Tamara Unleashed

I started volunteering at Nashville Tools for Schools in December 2021. For the first 6 months I worked on the bigger school projects and then I was asked to start working with Harry in the “Fine Furniture Department”. Harry was 91y/o at the time and a legend in volunteer carpentry. He helped start the Supervisor on Site role at Habitat and got involved in NTFS early on. Harry lives in a western suburb of Nashville so his commute to the workshop can be 30-60 minute. Mine is 10 min on a bad traffic day. The Fine Furniture Department uses leftover wood from the school projects and donated material to make tables for organizations that are helping people transition from unhoused to housed such as House2Home Nashville.

We build small dining room tables, coffee tables, end tables and bedside tables. No two tables have been the same which has made it more difficult for me to pick up the principles behind what we are doing to the degree that I felt like I could work independently. The table above is constructed of donated laminate flooring glued to 1/2 or 1/4 inch plywood except the shelf which is painted pine. Harry and.I worked together on the top, legs and apron (the wood running horizontally around top of legs). When we finished Monday, all that was left was to screw the apron to the legs and construct and install the shelf. Harry was not able to come in on Tuesday so I decided to see if I could finish the table on my own. When I mentioned my idea to Harry, he thought I would need the assistance of someone else. I decided to try it anyway – knowing I had back up from others in the shop if I needed it.

So I screwed the apron to the legs, made sure the legs were square, by measuring and placing a spacer on the long and short side, measured for the self. Finding a scrap to use for the shelf, I cut it to size, and cut 4 supports to hold the shelf at the correct height for installation. After making sure the shelf fit the space, I ironed on veneer tape to the edges, and stained the edge before painting the surface black (to match the inside of the table legs). I set the shelf in place on the supports breathing a sigh of relief that it still fit with the tape on the edges and secured it with nails and screws. I remembered all of the little nuances of techniques that Harry had shown me except to account for the width of the tape when cutting the shelf..

It was highly satisfying when I stood the table up and it did not wobble. I think it will not be too long before I will be able to design and construct a table on my own.

Harry has been mostly patient with my mistakes along the way and I do learn the most from his ability to fix or work around a problem. I was traveling when we acquired this metal frame to use for a table. In this instance Harry decided to try just glueing the flooring together without gluing it to plywood. The flooring was attached to a frame built around the edge of the metal frame and supported by the unique bridges seen in the photo. . While it worked out, it did not save any time. This is one design we will not repeat.

Harry and I have developed friendly banter while we work – for me this is time extremely well-spent.

Craig and I spent several days together at The Garden. We entertained for the first time, had our second date to an outdoor Singer/Songwriter Festival in Hendersonville, picked out colors for redecorating he was already planning to do, gone shopping in Lowe’s and Harbor Freight and have thoroughly enjoyed the simplicity of spending time together. I continue to enjoying cooking.

This was a pretty inspired brunch on Sunday – vegetable has with eggs over easy and homemade cornbread from masa. Fortunately, he is easy to impress and please with food.

Among his skills is the ability to arrange and maintaining fresh flowers.

I got to see the cows in the pasture for the first time Saturday night as we returned from the outdoor festival.

Today Craig went with me to Tools for Schools and really enjoyed meeting the other volunteers and getting started working on a project.

What’s the next thing to pressure test a new relationship? How about a car trip to Iowa for a family wedding. We will be gone a week. We will drive by the farm and visit the towns I grew up in and perhaps drive up to Luther College. He will get a good idea of the environment that shaped me.

I look forward to visiting people and places important to Craig. I had the opportunity to have a lovely conversation with one of Craig’s ex-wives They have remained close friends and Craig encouraged me to call her. Their friendship has been an issue for other women he has dated. She also offered to talk to me . I was not really concerned about their friendship, but thought it might be helpful to validate my own observations with someone who had know Craig much longer than I have. We had a lovely 60 minute conversation – some of which was about Craig. We connected as independent, free-spirited women. I particularly appreciated the fact that she took time away from her career as a therapist to be a long-haul 18 wheel driver for a period of time.

While I am sure there will be bumps in our relationship with more time, I am not going to look for other opportunities to pressure test it. I will relax and let the relationship continue to evolve in the easy manner it has thus far.

I am sitting out on the porch which is shaded and there is a nice breeze. I amazed at the sense of comfort I feel in this rural setting. A month ago was the “match” on Match.com. To go from just really wanting to meet a man and have a cup of coffee to now with this overwhelming sense of comfort that is seemingly effortless is hard to get my head around. The part of me that is questioning whether this can possibly be real is getting smaller every day. We simply fit each other.

Today Craig went to Habitat with me – to check out being a Supervisor on Site (SOS). He enjoyed the work and the people and will continue to volunteer. We worked together a bit and I think we will be able to do a lot of projects together without irritating each other too much.

It was HOT today. Our work was indoors out of the sun, but there was little breeze. I think it was the hottest day yet.

This is the view from the porch as I drink a cup of coffee and reflect. Banana bread is baking. The Barbie Movie comes at an interesting time for me. I am finding myself content with cooking/baking for someone – gender stereotypical after decades of living the opposite. I cooked for my family growing up but it was never something I enjoyed. I needed to get the meal on the table at the right time; it was quickly consumed and I was left with the cleanup. While I didn’t find joy in the meal preparation, I didn’t necessarily resent it either. My mom was teaching full-time and going to school in the evenings. Someone needed to do it.

Now I don’t have competing priorities for my time as I did while I was employed and I have an appreciative consumer of my labors who also does the clean up. These add up to a joyful experience.

I have done a bit of reading about the Barbie Movie and I am not sure that provided any more clarity in thoughts on the movie. It was a fun enjoyable movie packed with lots of equity and patriarchy messages. Perhaps this movie will allow a few people to better understand the reality of white male privilege. For women, I think the movie may have different significance based on age.

Barbie was first marketed in March 1959 when I was 3 1/2. I didn’t get my first Barbie until I was 7 or 8. I had 2 or 3 dolls and lots of clothes. I was never very good a pretending so I don’t recall “playing Barbie” as much more than changing their clothes a lot. To me, Barbie was a doll with funny feet that was fun to dress – nothing else. I never considered her shape relevant. I missed entirely the positioning of Barbie as a tool of empowerment of girls.

For me, Twiggy’s arrival on the scene when I was in junior high had far more impact my negative body image.

Perhaps a key message of the movie is: there is no easy way to obtain gender equality, or even define what it means in the context of the unique reproductive functions and the ingrained entitlement that men have had over the ages.

The reason for the movie might have simply been to pose important questions in a highly entertaining way and let the self-reflection and dialogues (hopefully meaningful) begin.

Hopefully most of you understand the reference to The Courtship of Eddie’s Father. I don’t remember much of the details of the show except that it was very sweet. While we have gone to a couple of afternoon movies (Sound of Freedom and Barbie), we had not gone out in the evening until last night. We went to hear Time Jumpers perform at 3rd and Lindsey, a popular music venue away from where all of the out of town party-goers hang out.

The Time Jumpers are a unique experience – “Nashville’s most stellar musicians and vocalists get together on stage and perform whatever it is they are in the mood for? The Time Jumpers’ music is spontaneous and in-the-moment. No two shows are the same, and no audience member leaves without being treated to a weekly event that’s like nothing else in America.” While their core is Western swing, they play jazz and classic country amongst other genre’s. Wendy Molten is the vocalist and she can really stylize a song. A VERY enjoyable evening.

When we got to the venue, it appeared that all of the parking spaces next to the building were taken. As we drove around the corner I noted a truck backing up out of one of the spaces. I did a quick U-turn expecting the spot would be taken by someone else by the time I got there, but luck was with us. We did a “high five” in the car and as we walked to door we found ourselves in a spontaneous hug. We were a little startled when a voice from the sidewalk said something to the effect – “You guys are who I thought my wife and I would be – growing old in love, but we are getting a divorce..” Craig responded “Benn there, man. It sucks.” I felt a little sad that we had caused him pain.

Our first picture together on our official first date!!

Craig is one brave man. Not only did he go see Barbie with me, he is interested and willing to go with me on a car trip to Iowa for a family wedding. in 2 weeks. Too soon????

I came across this on my FB feed the other day and it made me laugh:

It was one month ago today that I indicated that I was interested in Craig on Match.com and he responded on the 26th. Because we took the time to get to know each other so well before we met, it truly doesn’t feel like “this” is moving that fast.

Life id good!!

Carli is learning to grudgingly share her space with Buckley – a 14 month, 50 # poodle/terrier mix. Buckley is sweet as can be with a lot of puppy energy. Carli has been her usual aloof self with intermittent outbursts of anger.. My covered deck is a nice place for Buckley to hang out as he is used to being outside most of the time. Today we took Buckley over to my son’s backyard to meet Brady and exercise.

As sweet and nonaggressive as Buckley was, Brady was immediately threatened and there were some tense interactions but we think with more time, they will learn to play together. Brady’s dislike was immediate – ?? bigger dog, boy dog?? We are still waiting for her to explain herself.

Yesterday I made more pie crust resulting in another apple pie and quiche. Both seemed to satisfy Match Dude. I was rather pleased with how the pie turned out.

Craig cleaned up the dishes last evening after the meal. He is used to hand washing dishes so this is what it looked like after he finished. Everything was balanced and it all stayed in place.

Tomorrow Carli and I will go up to The Garden for a few days. I am going to use a riding lawn mower for the first time, ever. So much fun.!!!!!

When I (let’s be honest, rather Danny), created my Match.com profile, I was looking for a playmate who cycled. I was not looking to upend the life that I have built over the past few years. What appears to be in front of me is something way more than I thought I was looking for. I started with “see who is out there” on my profile. Match Dude (MD) had “start a serious relationship”. Most of the men were looking to “start a serious relationship”. In my mind, you can’t start a serious relationship without “playing” so I felt OK with this discrepency. In addition, there would have been exactly zero possible matches if I eliminated all men looking for a serious relationship.

He shared his last name first and I did try to Google him and did not find anything. He was also not on FB. These helped feed my concern that he night not be who he said he was but I chose to set it aside. I subsequently learned that Craig is his middle name. He found me online without the benefit of my last name so I knew he was computer-savvy – a positive. He was very concerned about the differences in our education backgrounds. He wrote beautifully, communicated with insightfulness, curiosity and humor so I knew he was intelligent which is all that mattered to me. He gave me an easy out but I was determined to have a cup of coffee. After a week of interacting with individuals who were either fake or not who they were portraying themselves to be, I wanted to meet someone real.

When I did not want to back away, he seemed to “lean in” a bit and our communications became less superficial. I was still not 100% convinced he was who he said he was, but I couldn’t find any inconsistencies to feed that fear so I leaned in a bit harder as well. On July 2nd as we were approaching midnight when his Match subscription expired, he shared his email address. I quickly fired off an email to establish connection outside of Match and it did not go through right away. I felt a bit frantic. At 11:59 PM I fired off another email and sent one last message through Match with my email address. That is when I knew I wanted it to be more than a cup of coffee. Obviously connection was made.

He asked me what my Myers-Briggs personality profile was. I was impressed he knew about Myers-Briggs. Amazingly we are both INFP –

“INFP stands for introverted, intuitive, feeling, and perceiving. As such, this personality type often results in a quieter, more reserved person, with a significant emotional world but a “go-with-the-flow” kind of attitude. INFPs are among the rarest types, at around 1% of the population, These rare personality types tend to be quiet, open-minded, and imaginative, and they apply a caring and creative approach to everything they do.

This may in part explain our immediate comfort in each others presence. MD is more traditionally creative – songwriting, woodworking, metal work etc. I am very creative in my approach to problem solving. The nurse practitioner I worked with for several years in Seattle came out of an exam room and said to me something like, “your really are an artist with the patients.” I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it in the moment, but I then I realized that I viewed each patient as a very messy canvas that had to be “deconstructed” and understood in order to jointly create a path to wellness creating a new canvas.

In our lives, MD and I have both demonstrated in numerous ways that we are more highly motivated to look out for others more than ourselves. We will have to be very mindful of this. I would assume there is guidance for relationships between INFPs which we may need to explore at some point. For now I am content to just let our relationship unfold on its own.

What I was looking for was a playmate. What I have found is something so much more. While our physical attraction is strong, it is not dominating. Our conversations, our comfort and joy in being in each others presence and ability to laugh at ourselves and with each other dominates for me. These feel like the best building blocks for a relationship that we can choose to be in each and every day,

I am in wonder of our unfolding relationship story.

Spending time in the presence of someone I am so comfortable with is such a joy. Match Dude has been pleasantly surprised by how “rural” feeling my “city” place is. His dog Buckley is coming for a visit today. Buckley spends much of his time at The Garden outdoors with an electric fence or in an outdoor pen. Hopefully we can create suitable space for him.

It has been fun to have someone to cook for. I have never been serenaded with music while preparing meals before. I rather like cooking for someone who is very appreciative of what I prepare and the music in the background.

It appeared Carli has really taken to Craig. Shortly after he arrived, I looked up and found Carli on the couch next to him. More interesting is that she did not attack his shoes or get upset when he went down the hall to the bathroom as she has with every other visitor. This morning she was barking in her kennel early and demanding attention. She went after his shoes as he left this morning – more of her typical behavior. Perhaps she did not want him to leave. It will be interesting to see how she tolerates sharing my attention. Craig is not really a small dog person and I am appreciative that he is being patient with Carli and her antics.

We are both looking forward to the post- op activity restrictions being lifted so that we can begin spending more time being active.

In the meantime, we will enjoy every minute of our time together and be grateful to Match.com. We never would have discovered each other without it.

While I was driving through the 5 miles of rural Tennessee between the interstate and The Garden, I was transported back in time as I drove by a field of very tall, good looking corn. It looked every bit as good as corn grown in Iowa – which is not supposed to be possible. I recalled climbing the stairs of the Washington Monument on a high school band trip singing the Iowa State song – “That’s where the tall corn grows”. The closer I got the more comfortable became with the sense that The Garden was going to feel a bit like “home”. I was not wrong.

Nine very comfortable hours later, I drove home. Match Dude is who I thought he would be from our extensive communication over the 2 weeks before we “met”. He is kind and caring. We never ran out of things to talk about. We sat on but back porch until my first mosquito bite. I doused myself in OFF and we walked around The Garden with The Magical Forest on the other side of the fence line. He sang some songs for me. We ate apple pie before the quiche. Both seemed to please him a great deal. I do think I appreciated more flavor from the apple pie than I did last December so perhaps I am getting a bit more taste back.

I was as close to being my authentic self as I could possibly be in this circumstance and I think he was too. There was mutual appreciation and attraction. Check and check.

We introduced Buckley and Carli. Buckley has an outdoor pen and we gave them a chance to interact through the fence. As I predicted, Carli was very aloof but then got a little curious. Buckley wanted to get out and play. Buckley is quite a bit bigger than Brady and interaction seemed similar to Carli and Brady’s. Buckley’s tail was wagging the entire time – Carli’s tail started to relax towards the end – not a full wagging but not tucked. I think they will find a playful interaction with time.

The ONLY thing that was different from our easy phone communication was his hearing loss (from “riding a machine gun” fora year in Vietnam) was more noticeable – particularly with background music. I brought it up. We should not attempt serious conversations with loud background music. He will need to let me know when he did not hear everything clearly to avoid inadvertent miscommunication. Speaking louder does not necessarily help as sometimes words are just muffled

He is coming to Nashville on Tuesday for an appointment. He will drop by and see my place. I think he will be pleasantly surprised by how quiet it is here. Not rural but not like being in a city.

This is the only picture that I took yesterday. I stopped after I turned into the driveway – I sensed the day was going to be significant.

We are both mindful that there will be challenges ahead but yesterday was a great start.

P.S. – while there will be some challenging hills, it looks like there will be safe cycling from his place.

Here is the apple pie and pecan tart things. Things went pretty much according to plan except that I forgot to protect the edges of the pie so it go a little brown.

This morning I blind baked the crust for the quiche with pie weights and it went great. I sautéed shrimp onion, spinach and mushrooms and made the quiche. Part way through baking it I realized I had not put in the cheese. So I think I have made something between a quiche and frittata. I added shredded cheese to the top.

So Carli and I are off to visit Craig in The Garden – which is how he refers to his 2 acres.