Two acres with lots of trees means lots of sticks and fallen branches that must be dealt with to keep the area mowed. The weather on this Labor weekend has been perfect for picking up sticks and then having a bonfire of the first of many batches. I love being outdoors, sweating and the functional exercise. After so many years of being reasonably sedentary, this opportunity to be constantly active is just what I was looking for…
This represents about 90 minutes of activity – sweeping around the burn site about 50 feet. We attach a small trailer to the mower to gather sticks further away and then bring them to the burn pile to unload.
It was a little harder than usual to get the pile burning but once it got going it burned hot. Carli got to participate in the experience.
Last Saturday night when I heard Craig’s voice – telling me that while Carli had seemed to be doing well in boot camp, he had discovered that she had pooped in more than one spot in his study. I didn’t sleep that well that night worrying about the conversation to come when I returned to Nashville the next evening. My flight landed on time but then sat on the runway for an hour waiting for a gate. [Side note – if you choose to fly Allegiant, be prepared for anything. If departure, arrival time or checked luggage is important, don’t do it. If you schedule is flexible and you only need carryon, then it may be worth it. The flights themselves have been fine – although planes are quite cold.] Craig was sitting near the airport with the dogs in the car waiting. I am not sure who was happiest when I was finally in the car.
In the intervening 24 hours, the carpet had been shampooed, Carli had been lectured in his drill sergeant voice and Craig was feeling less negative about the prospect of Carli learning to behave like a “good girl” DOG – with emphasis on the dog. While I can interact with Carli, I am not interfering in the boot camp for both dogs. Craig is doing a good job of making sure they are both treated “equally”. It is hard for Carli not to have some advantages because of her size. I am doing pretty well at following Craig’s lead. There is a distinct difference in her behaviors in a week. We are both cautiously optimistic that she will enjoy being a pet DOG with good house behaviors.
A compromise – Carli can sit with me on the furniture outside but not inside. It is hard for Buckley to understand not getting on the furniture indoors when Carli does.
I am dressed for a day of yard work. This time I learned to use the weed whacker and I am pretty damn good with the lawnmower now. Picking up the sticks that have blown down off the trees is not my favorite part but it is good exercise.
Carli seems to be less fearful of Buckley and with time they may learn to play. I am sleeping better.
Last Sunday I left Nashville for Sunset Beach, NC and spent 4 wonderful days with the two women I traveled to Krakow and Provence with. I flew back to Nashville Thursday and to Des Moines on Friday for my brother’s funeral service on Saturday and wonderful family time. Today I am flying back to Nashville.
The water temperature in NC was worrying – walking into the water was like barely different from body temperature. Very strange feeling. The first 3 days were brutally hot but the Wednesday and Thursday were much better and we had nice bike rides along the beaches. There was plenty of good food, consignment store shopping, a jigsaw puzzle and many conversations. Easy days with good friends.
My flight was delayed on the way to Des Moines so I had time to have a beer and toast to Terry. His service was perfect for Terry. My brother touched the lives of many and will be remembered as a perfect who spoke his mind; was a gifted athlete of many sports including pool; used Fuck as a noun, adjective and verb; worked hard and loved his family.
Having young kids at the gathering after the funeral is a lovely reminder of the circle of life. These 2 spent a long time negotiating over the cooler of water bottles.
In my nuclear family, I am now the oldest. My younger brother came up to me and told me to stay healthy because he didn’t want to have to go through this again for many years. Fortunately I feel like I am in better health now than I was a decade ago and am planning to stay as physically and mentally active as possible in retirement. Craig will be a great partner in this shared goal.
The weekend ended with what has become a fun tradition with my college friend Deb who has become my home away from home in Iowa. We discovered a wonderful Mexican place not far from her that has a fabulous spicy margarita and shrimp and crab nachos. This was our 3rd yearly visit to the restaurant. We toasted to Terry and plan on keeping up our tradition until we are at least 90.
I feel so fortunate to have so many good friends that have wonderful places to visit. Yesterday I flew to Myrtle Beach to spend 4 days with Mary and Kay my travel companions for Krakow and Provence. Mary has a time share on Sunset Beach and just purchased a condo on the inland waterway on the mainland. We gathered to see her new place and enjoy the beach. While last week felt like early fall, this week is full on summer. Temperature and humidity in the 90’s. The ocean will be enjoyed in late afternoon.
I woke up in time for dawn and a sunrise walk on the beach. It was glorious.
I have had Carli for just over 2 years now and there have been many, many times I have questioned my decision to adopt her. She was a great companion and kept be thoroughly entertained and vexed for our first year. As I started to become more socially active I had less time with her which she did not like and I felt bad about. She gradually developed a playful relationship with Brady, my son’s dog where Carli would stay when I was out of town. I could drop her off there for a few hours at a time pretty much whenever I needed to. Like a child, Carli behaves better at my son’s. He kept reminding me that she is a dog and I have gradually gotten better at being the alpha. Carli and I had a good routine going.
A month ago our worlds were rocked with Match Dude and his very playful poodle terrier mix, Buckley. Buckley is much larger than Carli and Brady so his mere presence bothers/scares Carli – even though his has the sweetest disposition and just wants to play.
Craig is a dog owner and I am a dog parent. Prior to Carli, I would have put myself in the category of a dog owner as well so I understand his point of view well. At my place I have to keep the doors to the bedroom closed so she does not use them as her bathroom if I am the slightest distracted.
Craig’s place is much bigger than mine and it quickly became clear that in spite of ample opportunities out doors to manage her needs, she felt the need to express her feelings about having a new environment by pooping in the bedrooms.
Buckley’s world was upset as well. He was not only having to share his home with a little dog, but his kennel as well. He can sleep outdoors in his pen so Carli would sleep in his indoor kennel which Carli liked. My place is small for Buckley and he cannot really be outside aside from walks. We tried leaving him on my deck for a few hours at a time but that led to a fine from my homeowners association – apparently he is not as quiet when we are not home as he is when we are. The deck abuts a treeline and no one is ever back there so we hoped he would not have things to bark at and could be outdoors which he was used to.
Right before our trip to Iowa, it became clear that management of our dog situation was emerging as the first real complication in our relationship. As my son was out of town the week we were in Iowa Carli was making the trip with us and staying my aunt who really likes Carli and kept her for several days last summer. Since that time, she has said she would have a dog if it were like Carli – a dog who just wants to snuggle up next to you ALL day long with no desire to go on walks or play – Just snuggle and eat. So I approached my aunt about potentially keeping her for longer than a week and seeing if she and Carli could be a good long-term fit. A simple solution to the Carli/Buckley conflict with potentially upsides for Aunt Carol and Carli.
Long story short, the simple solution for me was not the best for Carol so Carli came back to Nashville and we have been faced with figuring out our relationship with our dogs. A quick decision to re-home one or both dogs without a real effort to make it work did not feel like a good thing for our relationship long-term.
This week has been much better – a gate at the bottom of the stairs keeping both dogs from roaming upstairs; a new kennel for Carli at Craig’s and making sure Buckley is in his outdoor pen or inside when Carli goes out to take care of business were simple to implement and it seems to be going better. Carli has not pooped inside the house. Controlling Buckley inside is easier because he cannot get upstairs. Carli does seem to like Buckley’s bigger kennel better and does not like it when Buckley gets in it at night, but she will get used to it as she gets used to this new environment.
The other night there was a split second when the two dogs almost played tug of war so I am hopeful that they can become friends over time. It took Carli a year to develop a relationship with Brady so I think this is going to go faster.
If you ignore the fact that Carli is on my lap and Buckley is lying at my feet it almost looks like they are next to each other.
Fingers crossed that they will learn to get along..
My mom alway’s signed cards – Dick, Leona and the 5 T’s. Terry, Tamara, Timothy, Troyt and Traci, With Terry’s death we are now 4, Above is Troyt, me, Tim and Traci. My second cousin’s wedding last evening provided the circumstance that I was back in Iowa to say good-bye to Terry and a wonderful opportunity for us to be together with Terry’s wife Karen. After the wedding, we all went to Karen’s home and shared memories for a couple of hours. It was fun. Craig was a quiet observer and even recorded some of it. He came away with a much better understanding of our nuclear family and thought I was very fortunate to have such a great family and friends, I look forward to seeing what he recorded and sharing it with the others,
I always said I was the oldest “responsible” child and now I am simply the oldest sibling. We are all at good places in our lives and we will continue to be there for each other and we will continue to be there for Karen and her children.
The wedding also provided an opportunity for Craig and I to get dressed up for the first time. Fortunately it was not too hot. Craig enjoyed my family and friends and they seemed to have enjoyed him as well. We traveled well together and he was great support for me with the death of my brother as were my wonderful friends, Deb, John, Jody and Mike.
We are back in Nashville. I will fly back to Iowa in 2 weeks for Terry’s funeral service. My contribution to the planning of his funeral service was to suggest the song – “On the road again”. We did share a love for road trips although mine are for pleasure.
This was written on August 11, 2023 .I just found this post in my DRAFTS and not in the PUBLISHED posts although I have a strong deja vu that I posted it. At the risk of a duplicate, I am posting. Terry was the first of 3 deaths of important people in my life over 5 months. Live each day to the fullest!!!!
Terry was my older brother by 14 months. There are many cute pictures of the two of us with each other and with parents. I suppose we got along well enough when we were quite young but our paths diverged pretty quickly after we started elementary school.
He was gifted athletically, I was not. I was focused; he was not. He was very concerned about what others thought about him and led or followed others down paths that got him into trouble time and time again. He and his friends taunted and teased me at home and at school. I worked hard and got good grades; he skated and passed. I went to college; he became a long distance semi-driver which he truly loved. He spent over 15 years on the road for months at a time – living life to the fullest for a young man without attachments. I had a lot of resentment for how much pain he caused my parents. I didn’t need to make any mistakes because he made them all. We had very little in common.
Terry decided to settle down in his mid 30’s – married and had 2 children. He and his family participated in family events. Somewhere in those years, I began to trust Terry and I let my son travel from Iowa to Seattle with him in his 18 wheeler.
Four years ago, Terry was stricken with Hashimoto’s encephalopathy. He ignored symptoms for several months because he was afraid he would have to give up driving his truck. Once he realized he was not going to be able to return to driving his semi, he saw little reason to live. He has been on a steady slide towards his death which happened today. I am glad I was able to be here to say good-bye.
Over the past 25 years we developed a bit of a relationship – forged primarily through our shared enjoyment of Natalie’s and James music and traveling to their performances in and around Iowa. I was driving his car from Kansas City to Des Moines after one of their shows because Terry had driven all night the night before. About half-way through the trip, he told me I was not a half-bad driver – probably the best complement he could have given me.
Terry had a big 60th birthday party because he never thought he would live to be 60 given how “hard” he had lived his young adult years. I celebrated his 60th with him as I was happy that he had survived his adventures and misadventures. Today, I celebrate the father that he was and I am extremely relieved that he is no longer suffering.
We left Nashville Sunday and made it to Hannibal Missouri. I had been there once before when the band played at a Festival. Without the Festival, it is a pretty depressed town. We arrived with the need for a pipe cleaner. There was a Dollar General across the street from the motel and we arrived at closing without a wallet between the two of us. Craig went back for his wallet while I tried to keep the place open. The young man at the register was very motivated to close so he bought the pipe cleaners for me ($1.09) and closed up before Craig could get back. The next morning we left the kind young man $10 to encourage future acts of kindness.
It was 90 minutes from Hannibal to Mt. Pleasant area where the farms that my parents grew up on are. We drove through Mt. Pleasant – by my elementary school for K-3, past the house I lived in and then out by my father’s farm which looks well cared for; past Beulah Church where my parents were married and I was baptized. It had been converted to a home decades ago, but appeared to have recently burned to the ground. Then down the gravel roads to my mom’s family farm where my parents moved after I graduated from high school and where I spent most of my childhood summers. The farm land was sold separately from the house. Unfortunately the people who bought the house do not invest much time in maintaining the yard. It almost looked abandoned. Across the road from the house new grain storage bins were being constructed by the family that bought the land.
It was a bit sad to see the house in this state.
We then.traveled the back roads to Tipton where I was for 4th and 5th grade and then on to Grand Mound where I lived 6th-12th grade. After my dad’s dad died suddenly when I was in 7th grade we made the trip to the farm every weekend to help support my grandmother for at least a year. It was fun to figure out all the turns through the small towns – Winfield, Columbus City, Columbus Junction, Conesville, Nichols, Moscow and finally Tipton. I found the house we lived in Tipton.
We drove along Hwy 30 to Grand Mound – though a small town every 5 miles – Lowden, Wheatland, Calamus and Grand Mound. Our Grand Mound home had been nicely renovated and the park across the street with the ball diamond where I watched many a ball game with 3 brothers. The park now has tennis courts and is very nice for a small town.
We drove the 5 miles to DeWitt. I rode the school bus from Grand Mound to Dewitt for 7th-12th grade.
For reasons that are not clear, De Witt has remained a very vibrant town of just under 6,000 residents. The Main Street was really upgraded from 50 years ago and the high school has been enlarged and renovated to be an Intermediate School, Junior High and High School.
From there we went to Cedar Rapids to drop Carli off with Aunt Carol for a few days. The friends and family we will be staying with are not dog friendly for one reason or another. Carli stayed with Carol last summer and it went well.
I think Craig appreciated the glimpse this drive drive down provided into my upbringing – or at least he was a gracious travel companion. I decided to eliminate the drive to Decorah to see Luther College because it would have been another 7 hours of car time over 2 days and we were both a bit travel weary.
I was a pretty boring high school student and there were not really any interesting stories to share with Craig. I had a great group of friends that were not inclined to get into trouble. We studied, worked and participated in school events. Once medical school became my goal in 10th grade, I was focused on what I thought it would take to get there. And I stayed focused on school and work until I retired in 2021.
Yesterday I learned about car maintenance – changing oil, the oil filter, the air filter and the cabin filter. Craig has always done his own car maintenance and wanted to do mine before our road trip as it was time. He said he didn’t trust shops and after the experience yesterday, I understand why. I got down under the car and saw how the oil is drained and the oil filter is changed. It is important to fill the oil filter with fresh oil before replacing it.
While changing the air filter under the hood, he discovered that the hose to the throttle had not been fit correctly the last time the air filter was changed. He also wanted to change the cabin air filter which I didn’t even know existed. He had to be quite the contortionist to get his 6’4″ body in a position where he could get his head down in the passenger foot well. He found another piece that had not been installed properly next to the cabin air filter. I promised I would not share the photo of him in this position. I couldn’t believe it was worth all the effort to change this filter, but when he pulled it out, it was pretty dirty. He was right.
I was fascinated by the entire process. I got the car vacuumed out when I was not otherwise able to be helpful. I can’t wait until it was time to do it again so I can see how much I retained. He was able to acquire a used lift for cars so next time we will not have to roll under the car to do the filter change. A few years ago, this is not what I would have considered as post retirement educational activities but the car maintenance and carpentry and handy person activities suites me perfectly. Carli is a big help as well.
Here Carli and I are sliding under the car.
This is what it looked like underneath.
Carli was a good supervisor. She initially was laying on the floor but then she discovered the padded surface to watch from.
Tamara Unleashed 