Tamara Unleashed

My daughter-in-law asked my son why I had texted him a picture of a toilet. Replacing the broken toilet seat was on my list of things to do for months. Having never done it before I assumed it was going to be difficult and that I was going to have to go through my unopened box of tools (that was at the bottom of a stack in the closet) which I was not ready to do. Neither of these assumptions was true and I felt a great sense of accomplishment and shared it with my son.

This led to a decision to go ahead and tackle the box of tools. I am more interested in what tools I do have after building a few times for Habitat. So I got out my box of tools and called a friend of my son who does remodeling work and asked him to come over and help me sort them out.

In addition to the above I had several small containers of bolts, screws and accumulated stuff that I organized before he came over. I ended up with stuff to keep; stuff to throw away and a few things to consider keeping or giving away if I can find power supply for them. Another great sense of accomplishment.

Next on the list of stuff I had been avoiding was getting my Epson Eco-friendly printer to print. I had made a couple of half-hearted attempts but got frustrated and figured out work arounds to printing. But I now had a document for IRS that required a real signature so I either had to figure it out or go somewhere and pay to print. One of the challenges with the refillable ink wells seems to be that they need to be used “regularly” to keep the ink jets open. The instructions on the printer are actually pretty good when you sit down and learn how to follow them. The Epson customer service was also very helpful. I had to go through the cleaning process 6-8 times in order to get the jets open but I now have a functional printer. I will try to remember to print something at least once a week to prevent the problem.

Next on the list was renewing license/registration for my car. In MD you just needed to do this every 2 years but in TN it is yearly. I went on line and got stopped by something to do with emission testing. In Tennessee, the emission testing requirement is county by county. There was no clear guidance on line for Davidson County. I called for help and it turns out the emission testing needs to be done every year for Davidson County. There is an emission testing place within 3 miles of where I live that I used last year. The wait was maybe 10 minutes. My first try was about 11 AM thinking I would avoid a lunch hour rush. There was a line 2 blocks on the street with an additional block length line on the facility property. I didn’t get in line and went back mid to late afternoon.It was the same thing so I got in line. It moved very slowly and it would have been faster had I gotten out of line and gone to a suburban location. After awhile I wanted to see how long it was actually going to take. One hour and 10 minutes was the answer. The facility only had one of their lines open and there was a HELP wanted sign posted. My car passed the test and the website processed my renewal within 2 hours and the new tags arrived in 3 days. Next year, I will start the process at the beginning of the month and if there is a line, I will go to a less populated area to get it done. I wonder if I would be qualified to do Emission Testing part-time.

I just completed the last item on my list this morning – air filters for my HVAC. I need an odd size that none of the stores or even Amazon carry. I got frustrated trying to find the best deal from companies that would ship so I am a “month” late on changing the filter. Since I didn’t change it for nearly a year before it got clogged, I am not too worried but I do want to be “kind” to my HVAC since I own it. Today I just went with FilterBuy and it seems that many other owners in this complex use this company as well. When I typed in my address at least 50 other units showed up on the list of addresses.

In my new life, this counts as “killing it”.

I think everything else that is waiting to be done can’t be done until after my kitchen renovation (which it looks like will be after the first of the year) at the speed things are progressing. Once that is done I can finish unpacking and finish purging all that does not have a place in my new home. I will organize my home in a way that I can put my personal stuff in my storage unit so I can rent my place for one or more months while I go on the road. I have been looking at Class B campers on Facebook. I am not sure that is what I want, but I want to get more knowledgeable about them in case I want to go that direction.

Since I started cycling 4 years ago, I have been trying to figure out a way to learn more about my bike so I will not be so fearful when I am riding on my own. Watching YouTube videos has not met my needs. I needed “hands on” learning. I approached a couple of bike shops about “apprenticing”. – one in MD and one when I arrived in Nashville and both said NO. However the one in Nashville recommended a Build a Bike Workshop for adults at the Oasis Center http://www.oasisbikeworkshop.org. I contacted the person in charge immediately but as we were still in midst of pandemic he was not holding workshops.

He restarted the Adult Workshop in September and it ran Thursday evenings, 530-8PM for 6 weeks. It was held in the basement of the Oasis Center and the workshop was set up with 8 stands for bikes. My class had 7 people. The primary build a bike program is for middle school children to build a bike that they keep. The Oasis Center has at least a thousand bikes that have been donated for this purpose. They are now set up to take the youth program to the schools.

The Adult program is a fundraiser for the youth program. I mistakenly thought we built a bike and then gave it to a youth, but adults build a bike and take it home. I don’t need another bike so I decided to build one for my daughter-in-law who does not have a bike.

The first session we got this picture that I thought was awesome. We used the same curriculum that the Youth use.

I was able to take my daughter-in-law over to pick out a bike and she chose a retro road bike.

We didn’t build a bike from scratch but rather learned about key components of the bike – deconstructed, inspected, cleaned and put back together. If any part needed to be replaced or upgraded we had donated parts or “took” from other donated bikes. On session 2 it was determined the wheels on the selected bike needed to be replaced and it turned out that the appropriate size wheels would come from a bike that was a better so I swapped bikes to this Peugot. This bike had been well maintained so there was not really anything that needed to be replaced.

It was quickly clear why bike shops were not interested in having someone
apprentice. There are so many nuances and different tools for various parts of the bike. After doing the class once, I think I can manage my tires and most other things I could manage with with YouTube videos – assuming I have the right tools for the problem.

In my new stress-free life, I found myself feeling a bit of stress some weeks with some of the tasks. I have a lot of respect for the skill it would take to build a wheel from scratch – just trying to “true” the wheels made me sweat.

The 6th week was graduation where we all rode our bikes to a brewery about 2 miles away and had a beer.

And I am now a Junior Master Mechanic – the same certificate the youth get when they finished the program. I would absolutely do this program again, but will need to find someone to build the bike for.

I still have a profound loss of taste and smell from Covid in January 2021. I have recovered more taste than smell. I can taste dark chocolate – it is a subdued “normalish”. I can taste some wines – again “normalish” while others have NO taste. They are “heavier” than water in my mouth but without flavor. I can enjoy oranges, bananas, peanut butter, grapes, salmon by which I mean they are more than texture. Spicy coconut milk Thai soup makes my mouth “happy”. Otherwise most food is experienced as a texture covered with a spicy sauce of some sort.

I hadn’t recovered as much smell as I did taste. Cycling through a yard while it is being mowed, I would sense a “heaviness” as I inhaled but no specific smell. I have not noticed any improvement since mid-June or so. I have pretty well adjusted to it. While I miss the full experience of food, the lack of taste is an important part of why I have “effortlessly” kept weight off – something I have never been able to do before. I am grateful that I do not have fatigue, respiratory or cardiac long-haul symptoms.

Three weeks ago when I used a port-a-potty, I got a whiff of the heavily scented urinal cake – but nothing else. This past Sunday when I used the port-a-potty, I smelled more than just the urinal cake; not the full experience but definitely more. That evening I got a hint of salmon as I cooked it and Monday morning a hint of garlic as I sautéed it.

I was so excited about having more smell at the Habitat for Humanity build site that I had to share my excitement with the other Supervisors on Site (SOS) as I introduced myself. They are a great group of people that I look forward to working with. The SOS is an informal apprenticeship – I feel pretty comfortable with caulking, tacking up blue foam around edge of what will be the ceiling and siding (the easy parts). I can see that it will not take too long for me to feel comfortable supervising some aspects of the work on my own.

Perhaps I will continue to recover some taste and smell gradually. Time will tell.

I was awake this morning at the time of my son’s birth, just before 8 AM Central Time. He is a remarkable human being and I am so thankful with the decision I made in 1982 when I got unexpectedly pregnant as first year resident in a urology residency. I ignored the fact that it was a horrible time to be pregnant and have a child. I had terminated a pregnancy 3 years earlier and did not want to make that choice again. I did not tolerate the birth control pill and we were a fertile young couple in spite of barrier birth control methods.

I knew there would never be a good time to have a child. My husband was working on his PhD with a fairly flexible schedule and I had parents and siblings within an hour to provide support. I knew my parents were ready to be grandparents so there was never any thought given to not being pregnant. Pregnancy during residency was a grueling experience and I will reflect on that at a later time. Today I want to reflect on my son.

He was a pretty easy baby except that he did not go to bed easily and this persisted throughout his life and perhaps worked well for his chosen career as a musician. I wonder if all of the stress hormones running through my body during pregnancy from the challenges and lack of sleep of residency were a part of this. I did my best to be “present” for him during by residency, fellowship and early years of practice, but there was no question that his father was his primary caretaker.

He loved playing with sticks and wooden spoons as a toddler – so much that my sister hand painted wooden spoons as a Christmas present when he was 2 or 3. He has grown up to be a very talented drummer. For awhile during grade school he would spend hours perfecting his autograph – also useful for his future that was unknown at the time.

We called him Jamie until he went to Kindergarten. He came home one day and said his name was James. He developed independence very early as I think his father and I both did. I recall a particular parenting struggle when he was in third grade and being chonically late with his reading assignments. Per usual, enticements and deterrents were equally ineffective. He finally said “It is my problem and I will deal with it!” And that continued. He lived with the consequences of his decisions.

He spent 6-8 weeks every summer from age 4 -15 or 16 on the Iowa farm with grandparents and various aunts/uncles. He was a city kid and did not really help out with any farm work. He was the oldest grandchildren and only one for almost 6 years so he had a very special relationship with my parents and siblings. He was a great “cuz-uncle” with his first cousins. He was good friends with a boy from a neighboring farm that was two years older and I knew this relationship allowed him to test his boundaries in his early teen years. My parents had raised 3 sons and I figured that Iowa was a safer place to “scare himself a bit” than back in Seattle.

My father was a gregarious person who got along with most people and my son has that ability as well. I didn’t quite realize how special their relationship truly was until he asked his grandfather to be one of his groomsmen. When my father died, the one thing my son wanted was the key to the back door of the farm house. He has worn it around his neck. Several years ago when I was in Nashville and we were helping one of his friends move, the necklace broke and he key fell off. About a half dozen people spent a fair amount of time searching the yard and the key was found. It meant A LOT to me that the key meant so much to him.

His relationship with my parents was so much different from mine. Their constant bickering had very negative impact on me, but he seemed to find it more amusing and perhaps understood some of the discord to be how they expressed “affection”.

I finally figured out a way to be far more present for him when he was in high school and I took a position in Philadelphia while he stayed in Seattle. I negotiated to spend a week of month in Seattle where I could be a full-time mother to a high schooler. I kept my home for the week I was there and he stayed with his father the other weeks. When I was in Seattle, I took him to school, picked him up from school and didn’t worked when he was home. It was something that I had never been able to figure out how to do while I was working in Seattle. Our relationship improved when I actually made time to be there for him.

During his challenging adolescent years, I remember saying to friends that I would be content with whomever he became as long was he was respectful to women. In my own mind, I knew I could be accepting of tattoos, piercings, unusual hair styles or colors but knew I would be very challenged if he were to become an “Alex P. Keaton”. He did not.

He found his passion in drumming in junior high. While he had taken snare drum lessons in 2nd grade, he did not continue. He tried trumpet, saxophone and guitar in 5th/6th grade but nothing clicked. One day in 7th grade he said he wanted a drum set. This was shortly after the divorce. I had the home with a basement so I was a great target for this request. Getting the drum set for him was one of the best decisions I ever made. He not only found his passion but a great mentor in his private drum instructor, a great peer group and teachers for his high school years.

He has matured into a thoughtful, kind man that is indeed very respectful to women. He seems to understand how to a loving and supportive partner in his 20 year relationship with his wife. Perhaps he learned more about what not to do from the examples in his life and those helped him understand what was really important in his own marriage

He has been very supportive of my transition from “giving it my all” to my work to not working. When I express any guilt at not having accomplished much in any given day, he says “DON”T feel guilty.” When I feel a little unhinged because I didn’t have a plan for the future, he reminds me that I didn’t need one. I can relax and see how things unfolded.

My decision to move to Nashville was a good one. There is comfort in being nearby for me and I hope for him as well. As he matured into an wonderful human being, I have gradually felt less guilt for not being a bigger part in his life when he was young. I think today, his 39th birthday is a good time to formally “let the guilt go”.

He is the best of me and his father.

I really lucked out with Carli – she is the most loving dog and quite entertaining. However, as she was 4 years old when I got her, she had instincts and preferences from her previous life that were not known to me. I was particularly vexed by her unwillingness to consistently respond to commands to “come” and her frank reluctance to walk for any distance on the blacktop driveways in this condo complex. It is a quarter mile from the entrance to where I live in the back and you can double the walk on streets just outside of the entrance. This is how many dog owners exercise their dogs (and themselves). Carli has not like walking on the driveway from the beginning. She will occasionally get engaged with “foraging” in some of the grassy areas. I could understand this in July and August when it was brutally hot, but it has been pretty pleasant for the past month and this has not made much of a difference.

I also struggle with her peeing in the house on the rugs about once a week and her complete lack of any signal that she needs to go outside. I have gotten pretty good at getting her outside often enough to avoid most accidents inside. I tried bell-training but the bells scared her. Since she does choose to respond to my “Come” commands much of the time, I end up picking her up to take her outside to pee. Carli is very treat responsive and I could get that to work sometimes but not always and I was unsure how I could take advantage of her “treat motivation” and get her to lose weight.

When we saw the vet at the end of August, she suggested and in home consultation with a Dog Behavior Professional and it took 6 weeks to get an appointment. The consultation was $175/hour which did have a sticker shock effect but I hoped it would be worth it. There was an extensive pet behavior questionnaire to fill out ahead of time.

I cleaned up the apartment and got all of Carli’s foods, treats, control devised laid out as requested. Julia spent about 80 minutes with us and I would say it was worth it. She demonstrated how to teach Carli to come and was very clear about how long this process was going to take and that we would need to practice this many times every day. I will need to get a new highly valued (from Carli’s perspective) treat for this training – perhaps chicken. The size of the treat can be as small as I can get it to help with the concern about Carli’s weight.

She found it interesting that Carli walked so well on a leash in neighborhoods and suspected that is how she was trained as a young dog – Carli likes the structure of sidewalks.

From my description of Carli’s indoor accidents and lack of a recognizable behavior to go outside, she guessed Carli had been pad trained. She was peeing on the indoor absorbent surfaces (from her perspective) – rugs. She doesn’t show any sort of remorse because she is doing what she was trained to do.

She suggested “foraging” is Carli’s primary play activity and that I could hide treats for her indoors and outdoors to encourage activity. She is not a fan of dog parks and thought doggie day care or finding a compatible dog for play dates would be better options for “socializing” and activity. She was not overly concerned about Carli’s “air snapping” towards my son’s dogs. If we really want to work on the relationship between Brady and Carli, she would need to come back and see them interact to provide some specific guidance on their relationship – at the minimum Carli tolerated Brady’s exuberant behavior better and at the maximum they become playmates.

She also recommended that I get Carli used to using steps or a pouf to get on and off furniture to minimize wear and tear on her joints as she ages. Carli slept on my lap for much of the consultation. Julia did not think she had any significant anxiety but gave me things to look out for with respect to her behaviors. It does not appear that I am doing anything terribly wrong with Carli. I feel validated and have a plan for moving forward – it all starts with getting her to believe there is always more “gain” than “pain” for response to my command to “Come”.

Recognizing the value to me of Julia’s time for education, tools, reassurance and validation MAY help me on my journey to get comfortable with charging for services as a health advocate. Time will tell.

Part of the reason I did not go to the Bans Off Our Bodies Rally last Saturday was that I had volunteered to do Voter Registration for the Davidson County Democratic Party that morning. This time the weather was beautiful and the venue was a street festival celebrating the centennial of Hillsboro Village. I decided to take Carli with me and see how she did. It was a bit like packing a baby – water bowl, blanket, treats, harness, leash. I parked nearly a half mile from the venue -unclear if I would need to end up carrying Carli part or all of the way – given her lack of interest in walking. Much to my surprise and delight, she had not hesitancy walking along neighborhood sidewalk.

The head of the DCDP volunteer’s daughter was with her and she was delighted to play with Carli.

Carli attracted a young woman into the tent for a pet and it turned out she had recently relocated to Nashville and was not yet registered so Carli got credit for the first person registered on Saturday. I will have to get Carli a blue harness for our next event. A bit later we put some buttons her her harness so had some bling.

Last month I joined an the Walk Bike Nashville organization – promoting walking and cycling in Nashville – in particular the need for safer routes for biking and walking. Last week a call for volunteers came through email to support the Walk to School Day, which was yesterday. I signed up to be a volunteer and had a virtual training on Tuesday evening for the early morning event at a elementary school 5 miles SE of where I live. I was a part of the volunteers that supported the parents that were driving to drop off the students at a church about a half a mile from the elementary school. We are in another rainy week so it was not clear until the very last minute whether the walk was ON or not which limited the participation. I was up at 515 AM and on sight at 615 AM to help get set up. Student drop off was from 700-725 with walk to begin at 730 AM.

It stopped raining at about 610 AM but started again about 645. It was only a short shower but I think many parents made decision at that point to not walk which was unfortunate – this beautiful rainbow came out just before the walk started.

I was still on other side of church watching for late drop offs when the walk began but just watched the live event including comments for the school principle and Nashville mayor on Facebook. It was very sweet and it looked like more participants than was apparent by the slow drop-offs. It was fun to see whole families get out to walk. I hope to do more with this organization.

I have signed up to begin my Habitat for Humanity “Supervisor or Site” apprenticeship starting Sunday. I am very much looking forward to more building experiences.

I wrote this blog a week ago and intended to post it last Saturday – the day of the Bans off our Bodies Rally. I got distracted and because it was raining at the time of the rally in Nashville I ended up not attending with some degree of regret….

I just signed up for the Planned Parenthood Bans off Our Bodies Rally in Nashville on Saturday. This will be my first rally in Nashville. There is a chance of rain but hopefully not.

I graduated from high school in 1973, the year Roe vs Wade was decided by the Supreme Court. The right of women to choose if and when to have a baby has always been my MAIN issue politically. It is at the core of equality for women (in my humble opinion). I think it is hard for younger women to fully appreciate the ramifications of what is happening now.

One of the most impactful experiences of my life was the first Women’s March in January 2017. I learned of the Pussy Hat movement in mid to late December and knitted about 20 pink pussy hats and mailed them all over the country to friends and family members for the various marches. The slogans – “This is what America Looks Like” and “Women’s Rights are Human Rights” were powerful and all seemed possible that day. I knew it would be an ugly/challenging 4 years but I was prepared for what was to unfold.

I really had no idea what to expect when I got on the Metro to go to the March. My intention was to meet up with a friend coming in from Chicago but as was often the case in DC, I walked the wrong direction out of the Metro station. I was pretty early and there were women in pink pussy hats walking in every direction so it took awhile to figure out I had walked a mile in the wrong direction. I turned around with a plan to get to my friend and use the bathroom at our rendezvous point. As I headed in the right direction, the amount of people had increased tremendously and I found myself walking into a WALL of humanity with no way of moving further (or at least that was my perception). I was still several blocks from friend so I decided to stay put. Under ordinary circumstances, I would have thought I needed to pee, but the need vanished in the context a massive crowd and no where to go – a clear example of mind over bladder.

I found myself 20-30 feet to the left of the main stage. As I took in my surroundings I was overwhelmed by the number and variety of pink pussy hats on women, men, boys and girls.

While the vast majority of people I could see were women, there were more men than I expected and it was really fun to see dads with their daughters. Directly behind me was an older woman in a wheelchair. It was clear to see that this day was as important to others as it was to me. While I felt like I had no where to move, it became obvious that people could move out of the way when someone behind me got sick and medical people needed to make their way to her – clearing a path was possible.

The speeches were inspiring and the atmosphere was mesmerizing. I stood in place for over 4 hours. It took an hour after the speeches ended and the “march began” for there to be any movement close to the stage. My legs were tired and I had long since given up thinking about my bladder.

When I did get to the point where a port-a-pot was available, I was amazed by how little urine there was in my bladder given it had been at least 7 hours since I had last urinated. I was convinced the bladder lining must have been able to absorb liquid given my normal urine output after morning coffee.

Here is the pussy hat I kept in my office after the March until I pack it up last summer. This is one of the many things I did as a federal employee that I SHOULD not have done. I didn’t care and no one told me to put it away.

I also had a Bozo punching clown in my office for most of my government tenure. I didn’t physically hit it very often but I mentally attacked it often. Just knowing it was there was helpful.

The most lasting effect of that month leading up the Women’s March in Jan 2017 is the arthritis at the base of my left thumb. The pain is now minimal unless I try to knit again. Fortunately the index finger to thumb opposition is different enough for crocheting that I do not trigger the pain. When I tire of crocheting, I may need to see if I can find a different knitting technique that will not trigger pain.

It has been great to be out of DC area and let the chaos unfold without my vigilance to what I have no control over. I am so glad I am not preparing for yet another unnecessary government shutdown. I look forward to my first of many marches in Nashville on Saturday.

To the degree that I ever thought about getting to the point of “not working” it was an empty canvas until the fall of 2018 when I had the opportunity to do a 9 day bike ride on the Natchez Trace from Nashville TN to Natchez MS. The ride was to celebrate the 80th birthday of a dear friend. The average age of the group of riders was 72 and I was the only one still working. I had been cycling for only a year at that point and had no idea how I was going to hold up for 444 miles over 9 days. The advice I got from the woman who sold me my bicycle was you just keep peddling and that is in fact what I did – for 400 of the 444 miles. The trip was life changing for me – and aside from the friendships that resulted from the trip, the biggest impact was the glimpse of a healthy active “retirement”.

So when I realized I needed to leave my role at the NIH/NIDDK, I had a much better sense of how to fill some of my time. Cycling has become the place where I “let go” and stay present in the moment. At the end of rides, I have no idea what I was thinking – if anything. I am thankful every day that I was building overall strength while I was building up miles as without a strong core, I would have fallen many, many more times. I knew I would have cycling to help me make the transition to “not working”. And it has.

I have now had 6 months of not earning money and having very little to structure my life. Much to my surprise I am doing just fine. I thought that after visiting friends and family for the first 3 months I would return to Nashville with a sense of how I wanted to reengage with the work force. That was not the case and even after an additional 3 months of not working, I am not motivated to seek out employment. If the right opportunity presented itself, I could easily jump right back into working but it would have to be the right opportunity.

I am gradually getting involved in activities here – primarily doing things I never had or took the time to do while I was working. I am doing Voter Registration for the Davidson County Democratic Party. My first activity was at the PRIDE Festival the weekend before last. It was a rainy day and the booth was on grass so it was very muddy. I wore vinyl sandals. It was kind of a good idea. I knew I would be able to easily wash them when I got home. When I went to leave the mud made them so slimy and slippery that they would rotate 180 degrees as I was walking which made it very slow going. I had to find a deep puddle to rinse my feet off in so I could walk the half mile to my car.

The day following PRIDE I had my first “build” day for Habitat for Humanity. I have been donating money to Habitat for years and tried to get a build opportunity in MD, but timing was never right. There are generally so many groups volunteering for Habitat “builds” that there are not that many openings for individual volunteers. I am going to pursue training as a “Supervisor on Site” or SOS which will give me more opportunities. The experience was fun and exhausting. I was caulking between beams for energy efficiency. It was a townhouse unit so the walls that are shared between units have to have fireproof caulk which is red rather than white. We were given gloves to use but they were hot and awkward so I ended up using my hands a lot to smooth out the caulk. I was up and down on the ladder many times. I could tell my training to strengthen my shoulders had worked because I did not get tired holding the caulking apparatus above my head. It is hard to appreciate in the picture (because much of the caulk is on the backside) but my clothes were a mess. This is what Tamara the Builder looked like at the end of the experience.

The day was cloudy/rainy and I did not really appreciate thirst while I was so focused on the work and ended up pretty dehydrated.. Fortunately, we only worked a half day because we made great progress and there was predicted thunderstorms in the afternoon. I had significant muscle cramping all afternoon and evening and did not feel back to normal for 24 hours. I will be smarter next time.

I will gradually get involved in other activities that are primarily outdoors and bring value to the community. I have no idea what my life will look like in a year but I feel like I am now in the right mindset to enjoy the journey. My new life may be a constant evolution with little structure and I am getting OK with that.

I learned to knit and crochet when I was about 8. I was taught by an aunt who remained my “go to” resource throughout my life. She gave me a pattern for afghans in the late 90s that I have used ever since . I have made between 30-40 baby and adult afghans using the same pattern. The pattern allows me to play with color and size and does not require a lot of focus. I always make the baby blankets out of cotton yarn because it is cooler for the baby. Some of the afghans have been specifically planned for colors, some have been made from yarns and colors that I have available and recently I have just finished 3 that are truly “leftover” yarn baby blankets.

With every afghan, there are always leftover parts of skeins and often leftover skeins. Over a couple of decades I have accumulated quite a lot of yarn. I moved 2 big plastic bins of yarn to Nashville and two weeks ago when I went to empty a closet of “stuff” I have not looked at since I put it in there a year ago I saw these bins of left-over yarn. I thought I could donate the yarn but then I wondered how many afghans I could make only using the leftover yarn. I took it as a challenge and I have made 5 baby blankets now. All I have left of the cotton yarn is part of a skein of white yarn that will be easy to use up after I get more yarn. Before I get more yarn I have to use up all of the acrylic yarn that I have for adult lap blankets or single person afghans. Large ones just get too big and hot to make.

These are the last 3 and include color combinations I would generally not think of using. These are made on a diagonal. I tried to start new colors at the beginning of a new row and it was always a guessing game how much yarn would be necessary as I got to the middle or widest part of the blanket. By the last afghan on the far left with the lavender border, I was just ending one color and starting another independent of where I was in the row. As I finished the last round of the border on the last afghan, I had ONLY 6 inches of lavender yarn left. I felt VERY SATISFIED. I like these 3 “leftover” blankets so much that I may just keep them for my grandchildren and great grandchildren (from my step grandchildren). They are truly one of a kind. These project totally engrossed me (and Carli) for two weeks

Carli spends a lot of time napping between my legs on the sofa and she got increasingly tolerant and at times helpful in the process. She did have her limits however and would when she had enough she would just come and lay on the blanket I was making:

She got used to having yarn being pulled across her body while she was sleeping:

Her tail was even useful for maintaining the correct tension on the yarn:

While I am now working on a adult afghan, I feel like I have accomplished a small goal with completion of 5 baby blankets and can now focus on things other than crocheting – like blogging!

I have often lamented about Carli’s lack of enthusiasm for going on walks with me. I thought I was starting to make some progress this week but I think I may have set her back a bit today.

I had a beautiful 15 mile bike ride today with this group of women

I returned home with 4 bags of groceries and faced the dilemma of whose bladder needed to be dealt with first. Carli was in her kennel. She gets so excited when I walk in that I feel compelled to get her out first. So outside we go and I had her off leash expecting she would pee and want to go right back in. However she decided to go for a bit of a walk. We walked across the grassy area to the parking lot per our usual when a dog I had never seen before came running at us dragging his leash. He was not far away and Carli took off at the speed of light. I was still in my cycling shoes and somehow the dragging leash tripped me up as I was trying to take off after Carli and I went down on the ground. The teenager that had the dog outside paused to ask if I was OK and took off after the dogs. I got up with just minor scrape on my hand and took off in the direction I saw them go. I have trouble running with my bad knee and the cycling shoes did not help. By the time I got to the end of the parking lot in the direction they had gone, there was no sign of either dog or the teenager. I called for Carli but only got responses from a couple of other dogs that were inside.

I decided I needed to go put on better walking shoes before I took off exploring the property looking for Carli. As I got to the stairs to the second floor, I could see Carli sitting outside the door to our unit. I was relieved and amazed that in her state of panic she evidently knew enough to just go home. She was pretty shaken. I picked her up and she put one front leg on either side of my upper arm and held on. She did not want to be put down. I sat with her a few minutes and then needed to get the groceries in the refrigerator. After that, I tried to take her back out – this time with harness and leash and she would have none of it. She has become quite a moaner and she gave me her distress moan so we stayed securely inside for a couple of hours before I carried her outside to take care of business.

I often need to carry her out to pee right before bed because she refuses to go out and I hate dragging her. We also have developed a control drama about going back to the bedroom at night. This was not a problem at all for the first couple of months. She would happily follow me to the bedroom and jump up on the bed. For the past couple of weeks when we come in from outside, she goes to her blanket on the sofa and stays there until I pick her up and carry her to the bedroom. I have not trusted her to come wake me up if she needed to go out and it felt punitive to put her in her kennel. So last night I decided to see what happened if I just let her stay not the sofa. I was reading in bed and after abut 20 minutes I heard her come into the bedroom but she didn’t jump up on the bed. I didn’t hear her leave so after about 10 minutes I went out to the living room and she was on her blanket. So I left her there. About 90 minutes later, she came back and woke me up but did not want to go outside so I put her in her kennel and we both had a good night sleep.

Tonight I left her on the sofa and after about 20 minutes she came back and jumped on the bed with me. I suspect before long she will be in the kennel again – perhaps she likes it more than I like putting her in it. We will see…….

It is just 8 days until my appointment with the dog behavior therapist – I can’t wait to see what I can be doing better.