Tamara Unleashed

When I selected the title of my blog early 2021, I thought those were 3 words that reflected who I am. I assumed they would be relevant for the next stage of my life. Unleashed was because I felt so constrained by the restrictions on what I could say to whom as a government employee AND I was unleashed to discover the path ahead.

I am still on a path of discovery but feel like Nashville has become my home. My kitchen renovation that I planned from the minute I decided to buy the condo in September 2020 is almost done. I will show before and after pics in a later blog. Over the summer when I am not traveling, I will be able to get fully unpacked and settled. Any THING that does not have a obvious place in my home will need to find a new one. I am committed to being as free of possessions as possible.

What I never could have predicted is my fascination with learning carpentry and fine woodworking which is how I spend much of my time. I have been building on site for Habitat for Humanity https://www.habitatnashville.org 2 days a week and working 2-3 mornings a week at Nashville Tools for Schools https://nashvilletoolsforschools.org.

This is what the Habitat Sherman Commons build site looked like last August when I started with Habitat.

This is what the first of 5 buildings looked like at the dedication with their homeowners last week. All buildings will be completed by the end of the summer. It has been so educational and rewarding to be a small part of the process.

At Tools for Schools, I spend most of my time working with Harry Baird, a legend in Nashville with respect to carpentry and woodworking. We make furniture pieces for individuals that are in need – end tables, coffee tables, etc from left over and donated wood from the Tools for Schools projects. Harry is 91 and a great teacher.

This is our current project – a bit of a eclectic design made of mostly floor boards.

I am getting pretty good with the many different power saws. Nail guns are challenging for me. Today I was so focused on getting the nail gun (for finishing nails) to fire so the head would not stick out that I forgot and put one finger behind what I was shooting. The nail was longer than the board I was nailing into and I shot the nail through the flesh next to the nail. I was very lucky. Harry said – everyone does it – ONCE. We cleaned it up and finished our work.

I have had several misadventures on the Habitat site as well – last week I fell after stepping off a stoop onto an uneven surface. I hit my shin and it immediately swelled up like a goose egg. The crew of volunteers had ice over it within a couple of minutes. After icing while sitting, I decided I wanted to continue to ice it while getting back to work so they rigged this up. I iced it continuously for at least 90 minutes and I had no swelling or bruising the next day. Amazing!

I really do try to be careful but……

I am having a great time learning new skills and staying active.

I have started many posts over the last several months. They serve as a bit of a diary for me. I am not entirely sure why I never finished them. It has been almost 2 years since I moved to Nashville and it has become my home. I have mentally constructed a bubble so I can survive in a deeply “Red” state. The only other challenge for me is that this is not a particularly bike friendly city but it is working to get with creating ways to ride safely on the streets with bike lanes.

I have found a couple of groups to cycle with and have gotten reasonable familiar with biking safely in many parts of Nashville. This was not a good spring for riding. When I got the announcement for the Tour de Nash on May 21st, I was excited and signed up for the 46 mile ride which would take me through parts of Nashville I had never been. One of my young male friends was “game” to do it with me. When I saw that the route was riding completely around East Nashville, I knew I would likely be walking a few of the steepest hills. In my mind I had pictured a lovely spring day of weather in the 70-low 80s with thin cloud cover.

It was 84 degrees when we took off yesterday at 0730. I was carrying everything I thought we would need including pickle juice. It seemed like there were adequate Rest Stops so I decided to not use my Camelback. I used my new automatic tire pump just before we took off and decided to inflate to the top the range for the tire – not entirely sure why except that it was easy with he automatic pump. We took off about 7:50 AM. Two and a half miles into the ride, my front tire blew out. I had a spare tube and a patch kit and my friend was adept at changing tires. The tube had split longitudinally for several inches so patch was not going to work. We (he) got the tube I was carrying on. When it was almost inflated, the stem on the tube just sheared off. Fortunately he was carrying a tube as well so he changed it again. This was at least a 30 minute delay and the warm morning got warmer.

There was a spot in West Nashville where the route split the 25 mile ride from he 46 mile ride. I seriously thought about taking the shorter ride, but we had mentally committed to the long route. I had to walk up part of one hill before there first rest stop and was feeling pretty good about the ride – except that I was clearly holding my riding partner back. We kept going and while there were many challenging hills, they were fairly short and not a problem. The second rest stop was along the Cumberland River and we hydrated, got calories and felt good about our chances of finishing. The temperature was climbing and there was no cloud cover. I was starting to struggle more than I ever have on a ride after the first couple of East Nashville hills. I knew much of it was a mental game and I did make it up several that I was sure I wasn’t going to be able to when I was at the bottom. Midday, at about the 4th hill I had to walk part way up with over 10 miles to go, we realized we were a half a mile away for Red Headed Stranger, a Mexican restaurant with great margaritas and we went off course. The GPS topography showed that there was still quite a few climbs to come, and I knew I would barely be able to walk them.

Water, a spicy margarita, con queso with warm tortillas were restorative but not enough to get me back on bike for the rest of the ride. My friend got his partner to get his car in West Nashville where we started the ride and drive to East Nashville to pick us up. We got a second margarita because we were going to need to sit there another hour or so waiting for the ride. Not far into the second margarita I realized I was feeling not the edge of being drunk which was very unusual. I stopped drinking because I was going to need to drive home once I got back to my car. Nearly two hours passed before we were back to the cars and I knew I was still not be safe behind the wheel. My friends drove me home. It took another couple of hours before I felt “normalish” but my face was still warm to touch until about 9 PM. Fortunately I had the sense to stop before I got into real trouble. Not sure margaritas were the best choice for the state my body was in but we had a good time.

I clearly was not ready for that ride and my friends were good sports to take such good care of me. Next year, I will choose the 26 mile route. I do not think my body has fully recovered – I woke up at 4 AM in spite of being exhausted. My muscles are not as sore as I expected – we will see what tomorrow brings.

The beginning:

The end:

During my 4 weeks of being homebound, I had too much time on my hands to observe Carli’s eating and digestion. Her first episode of “being unwell” was in August. She spent about 12 hours lying on the couch sleeping and not being interested in eating or drinking anything until she suddenly jumped up and ate and acted like all was normal. She had a similar episode about a month later and then they started getting closer together. She would have a day where she slept and refused to eat or drink until she was suddenly well. During these episodes she ignores her favorite treats. I was very worried for the first couple and then just expected her to be better late in the day.

On New Year’s eve, she had another episode except this time she vomited her undigested breakfast in the late afternoon. While she was drinking by bedtime, she did not come back to normal. I could hear loud sounds from her GI tract. An hour or so after she would eat, she would start moaning and her little legs would jerk in her sleep like she was uncomfortable. She was belching more and her finicky eating was worse. Her favorite treat was sweet potatoes and she refused to eat them.

I put her on a boiled chicken and rice which she would eat. I got some special kibble for digestive health and gradually added that to her rice and chicken with some success. She then seemed to start drinking more water and peeing indoors.

As I had really nothing else to think about I have diagnosed her with reflux, irritable bowel syndrome with a little bit of diabetes. I need my life back.

Last week I had a couple of Zoom calls. Normally when I put the computer on my lap, she will move and lay beside me. She has had so much access to my lap the past month that she refused to move and I actually used her as a computer table for at least 30 minutes. She is a funny little dog.

Addendum – a part of the journey of Carli’s GI distress was a trial of white rice and boiled chicken which she would happily eat. I have had a couple of weeks now of trying to gradually get her back on her dry food. I got some special digestive health kibble. Every time I think we are making progress she stops eating. She used to love sweet potatoes; now she will not eat them. She now loves peanut butter. Peanut butter started the vehicle to get her to take her monthly pills. Then it became a reward for exercising more recently as appetite stimulant. She changes the rules constantly and openly defies my sense of “now I understand”.

Yesterday was the “great standoff”. I made her mix of chicken, rice and kibble that she had eaten the day before and she ignored it. After several hours, I gave her a small amount of peanut butter as a enticer. She ate the peanut butter; ate a very small amount of food and wanted more peanut butter. I added a small amount of cheese to her food; she didn’t blink. After a couple of hours, I added some more chicken and she didn’t blink. I made a scrambled egg and mixed it with the food and she didn’t blink. She continued to drink throughout the day so it wasn’t one of her “sick days”. I did not give in and give her more peanut butter but about 9 PM, I mixed up some more rice and chicken and put it on top of the other food. She ate this and then went on to finish all of the food. She immediately started her bullying behavior for peanut butter. I held out for 30 minutes and then she got peanut butter and some more snacks. Have I mentioned that a big part of her bullying behavior is her immense cuteness and the amount of affection she gives me.

Today is another day in the life of Tamara versus Carli.

Today my temperature was “normal for me” for the first time in a month. A very depressing 4 weeks of feeling unwell, being fearful that my body would not be able to fully recover “this time” While I never recovered most of my taste and smell from one year ago which means I do have Post Acute Sequelae of Covid (PASC), I was so happy that I did not have fatigue, heart or lung issues or longstanding brain fog that I considered myself fully recovered. Even though I was not nearly as sick as I was a year ago, the ongoing sense of lethargy and “not giving a shit” were getting worrisome. Today I finished a course of antibiotics for a sinus infection. Is the normal temperature related to the antibiotics or just coincidental? Was this Covid, a different viral syndrome, a primary or secondary sinus infection? No one knows. I do not want to stress my body out with any virus for a long, long time. The only way I can think to proceed is to wear a mask except when I am in my apartment. The adventure continues.

This past week I decided to watch the Sopranos. I have watched the first episode 2 or 3 times over the years and each time I didn’t like it enough to watch the second episode. I am not sure why it seemed important to try to get into this time but enough people that I know/respect really loved the show so I thought must not be giving it a fair chance. I committed to watching it last Saturday and finished it yesterday. When I was a few seasons in, I still did like the show and was going to give it up until a friend said “oh you have to finish and make sure you make it to the last episode.” So I continued to “hate watch” the Sopranos. I am not sure what I was expecting for the ending but I was hoping that there would have been some real personal growth in at least one of the characters by the end.

What did I learn from The Sopranos? it is good to be born into a boring family in the Mideast without a strong ethnic identity. Sociopaths are born and nurtured. Anyone can create elaborate justifications for despicable acts which are then normalized. It is possible to say the right things, do the wrong things and never have any insight into this huge discrepancy. If something sounds too good to be true – it probably is. The show was well done and memorable. It is not something I would ever consider rewatching.

I hope I will not choose to “hate watch” another series. It was a fitting end to this miserable month!

I didn’t intend to not blog for over a month. I am not sure I feel like it today but I want to reflect a bit before 2022. I have really enjoyed blogging – until December hit and I temporarily lost my voice. I was incensed by the Supreme Court case that looks like it truly could make meaningful access to abortions illegal in many states. I wanted to write about it and scream about it – but to what end? Adoption is not a solution for unplanned/unwanted pregnancies. Pregnancy can be lethal for a woman. Women can die in childbirth and bear severe consequences of pregnancy for the rest of their lives.

I watched the first season of Handmaid’s Tale in January after Donald Trump was elected and I feared we were heading in that direction. I couldn’t watch further seasons. I wonder what would happen if women simply stopped having vaginal intercourse unless they were trying to get pregnant?

If that was not enough to harsh the positive vibe I was feeling at the end of November, omicron came into our lives The first case in the US was reported on December 1st and now it represents about 70% of US cases. I have tried to be careful even after 2 vaccinations and booster. I mask indoors around people if I am not 100% sure everyone is vaccinated. I have-not been masking outdoors. I am very aware of distance between people indoors and out. I am fearful of getting Covid again.

The morning of the 24th. I woke up energized to clean the apartment to host my son and his wife for Christmas Eve dinner as I had done last year on our first day out of Covid quarantine. I noticed my eyes felt a little scratchy that morning but didn’t think much of it. A couple of hours later, I found out that the 10 y/o I had a brief close contact with on the Tuesday had tested positive for Covid on Thursday. After checking my temperature and finding it slightly elevated I decided to go get PCR test done. Frustration/apprehension/fatigue set in as I quarantined, canceled dinner and waited. Christmas morning the PCR test came back negative for Covid and influenza A so I decided to enjoy Christmas – everyone that gathered had tested negative with rapid tests. It was a lovely day.

On Sunday, the 26th, I woke up fatigued with loss of appetite, mild aches and elevated temperature. On the Monday I decided to cancel my trip to cycle with friends that I had really been looking forward to. Wednesday I felt “less unwell” and Thursday I started to feel better as my temp dipped back to normal for the first time. I went to some pretty dark places on the 26th and 27th – almost exactly a year from my Covid experience. I felt so fortunate that I did not have any long lasting effects from Covid besides loss of taste and smell. After several days of fatigue this week, I feared not getting my energy back to do all the things I want to do. I didn’t retest because I wouldn’t do anything differently. It may have been a different virus all together. During most of my adult life, I would have worked right through the degree of symptoms I had – because I could have. I have a entirely different perspective now after my attempt to exercise fatigue away resulted in Covid. 2021 started with Covid and ends with a week of isolation with a virus, perhaps omicron. I ventured out today for groceries and my energy level was OK so my fear is subsiding.

I want to end this blog in a good place. December was not all bad. On December 2nd, I had my orientation visit at the Nashville Tools for Schools workshop. It was great and I started working immediately. The workshop is quite large with all kinds of big saws and cool tools. The group meets Mon-Wed mornings for about 4 hours and builds various structures (including outdoor classrooms) for schools. The group is all older retired men – mostly over 70. They created a Ladies Room for me and on my last day before holiday break, they turned me loose with a table saw cutting scrap pieces.

When we restart next week, the group will go back to full Covid precautions – only 4 people working in the large shop at a time.

2021 was a crazy year: Covid, retirement, spending 2.5 months on the road visiting friends and family, starting to build my community in Nashville and discovering my love of carpentry. My joy of owning Carli has surprised me the most. I never understood people who dressed their dogs before and now I am one of those people – it makes me laugh (and she doesn’t mind). I will end with a couple of Carli pictures and hope they make you at least smile.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! I have no idea what to expect from 2022.

I am laying propped up on my sofa with my computer on one leg creating space so I do not disturb Carli’s nap. She was not inclined to be moved right now. She has the most entertaining moans – some of contentment and some of resentment. To my ear they sound pretty much the same but her behavior suggests they are different. She also snorts, sneezes, belches, and farts for additional entertainment.

I want to reflect on all that I am thankful for this morning: my son, my daughter-in-law and her family that always welcome me to holiday gatherings; my growing community of friends in my new home city; my family in Iowa; my incredible network of friends around the country; my post Covid health; my commitment to fitness and increasing muscle definition of my shoulders; my thorough enjoyment of my volunteer activities and for my decision to adopt Carli. It has been 4.5 months now. We are thoroughly bonded and her personality, aside from just being stubborn, continues to emerge. She stares into my eyes with great meaning. I learning the subtitles of her language. She does something to make me laugh every day and she gives me love every day.

I was quite concerned when the vet said she needed to lose weight because I really couldn’t get her to take a walk and she loved her treats. It didn’t seem fair to starve her. Fortunately over the past couple fo months, we discovered that while she does not like to take walks or play fetch, she does like to chase Brady who loves to play fetch. []’p – this was Carli’s typing wanting my attention. I stopped to pet her a bit and never got back to this.]

Monday – I generally drive over to my son’s to exercise Carli – she chases Brady while Brady plays fetch, but I have the option of biking or walking with Carli in the backpack. She generally is content in the pack.

We celebrated Thanksgiving on Friday with an outdoor picnic at Arrington Vineyards. It was chilly in the wind but it didn’t damper the fun for this group who had not been together since Christmas of 2019. My ongoing lack of taste kept me from overeating but I did eat more than I needed trying to find something that I could taste. Sadly, I do not taste pumpkin pie but I can taste whipped cream. It is soooo bizarre.o

Today I really needed to do some “adulting” but instead I laid low while intermittently icing the knee that I tweaked while sleeping in one position too long. One of Carli’s sleeping poses that made me laugh today.

My computer is actually laying on top of her body right now while she sleeps.

Carli is a great distracter. I can be productive when I want to be – but mostly I still don’t want to be that productive.

Katherine and I cycled to Overmountain Winery on Thursday about 11 miles from her home in Columbus NC. She said we were going to take the least hilly route to get there. I had ridden with her to the winery 2 years ago and remembered it to be challenging but not bad. It was a partly cloudy day in upper 60’s – another beautiful day for cycling. The hills were more challenging than I remembered. I think the 14mph cross and head winds made it significantly more challenging. I had to get off and walk a short segment going each way – I prefer walking to falling over if I run out of steam.

As were were nearing the winery, she signaled she was slowing, crossed the road and got off her bike. I was confused until I looked up and saw Flushing Meadow Farm.

No one seems to know who is responsible for this creative toilet art but as a urologist, I took full advantage of the photo opportunities. I thought it would be a good opportunity to demonstrate good toileting posture for complete bladder emptying – perhaps I will be able to use it in a talk sometime.

This reminded me of the time Katherine and I were in Sante Fe making a video on how to do Kegel exercises in the early 90’s. I cannot remember the exact circumstance but we were in the bathroom for some of the shoot. While Kegel or pelvic muscle exercises are standard of care now for urinary incontinence, they were not at the time.

Katherine founded Help for Incontinent People (HIP) in the 80’s at her kitchen table. The organization is now known as National Association for Continence (NAFC) and continues to be a excellent source of information for persons with bladder and bowel control problems. I was asked to join the Board of Directors for HIP in the 1988 or 1989. I had been in practice about a year and while I was surgeon I had learned that my surgical tools did not meet the needs of very many of the women I was seeing. My enthusiasm about my evolving nonsurgical skills cobbled together from limited literature, common sense and tracking what was helping the women was not taken seriously by my colleagues. Katherine thought these approaches did make sense and she gave me the confidence to ignore the naysayers and move forward focusing on meeting the woman’s needs – using a problem solving approach with gradual expansion of the nonsurgical toolkit. I consider Katherine as my first mentor.

In 2017, 30 years after we met, Katherine asked me to go on a cycling trip with her and a small group of friends to celebrate her 80th birthday. It remains a bit unclear why I said yes after she clarified it was a 444 mile bike ride of the Natchez Trace from Nashville to Natchez, MS. I knew I needed to take my health more seriously and I would have 14 months to prepare so I bought a bicycle and got started. In October of 2018, I did ride 400 of the 444 miles over 9 days and it was a life-changing experience for me. I love cycling. As I look back on it, I am amazed I rode that many miles and hills. I was DETERMINED!!

The most impactful part of the experience was meeting a new group of people – all retired except me. They showed me what happy, active retirement looked like. Having the support of Katherine and her friends, that are now my friends, has made my transition to NOT working easier. I look forward to may more cycling adventures.

Thanks Katherine.

• 

I drove to Columbus, NC yesterday for a few days of fall biking with friends. It was a pretty easy drive and while trees were past peak colors the drive was still enjoyable even with a significant traffic back up because of an accident about half way between Nashville and Knoxville followed shortly by a slow down for road construction. It added at least 30 minutes to the trip but I was able to catch up with a friend on the phone during the stop and go traffic which made it go much faster.

I have not cycled in several weeks for NO good reason and I could tell it was beginning to impact my mood. I need these few days of cycling to get me started again. Today we road the Isothermal Trail (rail-trail) starting in Forrest City NC. Total trip was 27.3 miles. There were graded ups and downs that made it seem pretty flat – it did not feel like we rode 27 miles. The temperature got to 70 – warmer than I dressed for. I had a layer under this long sleeve jacket which I took off before we started. There was a substantial headwind on our way back which made the jacket more tolerable.

The photo was taken by the Police Chief in Spindale NC at Wayne’s Lunch Box where we stopped for lunch. I ordered a fried grouper sandwich with pimento cheese and jalapeños. Wayne came out to ask me how the sandwich was because no one had ordered it with those toppings before. I was simply trying to get something I could taste. I am not sure how much I really tasted but I enjoyed it.

This morning when I pulled into the parking lot at the trailhead I went a bit too far forward and heard a mild scrape under my bumper. This is not an unusual occurrence for me and aside from saying SHIT, I didn’t think to much about it. The drive back to Columbus was 16 miles of divided highway and I don’t recall hearing anything amiss.

As we were driving through downtown Columbus there was a new sound. Katherine commented that the wind must have really picked up. We had about a mile left and as we reached the gate of her community, I was wondering if there was an air base near by because it sounded like planes were flying low overhead. Then the sound changed again and it was a scraping sound under the car. Once car was parked we could see that a panel was loose. It had been dragged and the edge was now frayed. Katherine suggested we take the car to Professional Auto Services in Columbus. If we drove as it was the panel would continue to drag and fray at a minimum. Katherine found a heavy shoestring that was long enough to MacGyver the problem.

Tennessee does not require front licence plates which I find annoying because that is the easiest way to identify Uber/Lyft rides. The rear plate is of no use. I had this ugly, empty plate holder. However today I was glad to have this empty unnecessary plate holder. After we got the car to Professional Auto Services, two men came out and said they thought they could get it taken care of if we could give them an hour. Given we were in a small town, an hour gave us time to go home and shower and relax before going back to get the car. I was charged $20. Katherine asked if I got the shoestring back – I have to admit I didn’t think to ask but perhaps it will be in the car.

Tomorrow we will ride 11 miles to a local winery, have lunch and ride back. Life is good.

I am pretty sure I know which night the diaphragm failed – and by failed I mean I was too exhausted to get up and put it in. My quick determination that I was in “safe” time of month was flawed. My periods were regular so when my period was late and I began to experience unusual urinary frequency I was strongly suspicious. Morning sickness was not far behind and the pregnancy was quickly confirmed. I was on my general surgery rotation and I had no idea what was ahead but I was very clear/hopeful that the pregnancy would not interfere with my responsibilities. There were only 2 other women in the general surgery, one in orthopedics, and no other women surgical subspecialties. No one had been pregnant in any of the programs yet so I was on my own.

The Chair of the Urology Department was congratulatory and I recall him saying something like “I hope you didn’t have as much trouble telling your husband as you did me?” I think the department faculty really expected that I would drop out of residency at some point before completion of residency.

The nausea was 24 hour sea sickness. I didn’t vomit. Food in my stomach helped and Orange Crush became the beverage of choice. I don’t recall any real increase in fatigue as I was already fatigued. At that time, Bendectin for morning sickness was available and it helped me AlOT. It was during my first trimester that safety concerns about Bendectin emerged. It was not taken off the market until early 1983. I continued to use it until the worst of the nausea subsided and I am not sure I could have worked without it.

I started showing pretty early. There was no self-care besides whatever sleep I could get. By 6 months, people started asking when I was due. Keeping food in my stomach was necessary for nausea in second trimester after I stopped the Bendectin. I gained weight. I don’t think it truly interfered in any way with my responsibilities until I got to my last month. I recall being on call on a Sunday. I was on my feet all day long running round doing preoperative admissions for the next day. At that time, everyone was admitted to the hospital the day before surgery and everyone got EKG and CXR. There were at least 10 admissions that day. By early evening I noted my ankles were very swollen and I started having false contractions. I tried to put my feet up and wait it out but I contractions did not subside and I was advised to go home and rest. I had to call my chief resident and ask for help. I recall he was gracious and came in for the rest of the night as we stayed in the hospital overnight for call. My contractions stopped and I was back at work the next day. I think I may have stopped taking overnight call at that point but I continued to work normal schedule until I delivered 6 days before my due date. I do recall having to sit or lean on high stools during some long operations when I was just there to hold retractors.

I am sure I have forgotten many of the comments and behaviors during my pregnancy that would be considered unacceptable today but two are hard to forget. The first was my chief resident on general surgery would make fake gagging/vomiting sounds every time he would see me. Of course I laughed it off – every time, but it was not funny or helpful. Worse was a comment from a urology faculty member. The conversation started as one that might have been genuine concern – he asked how I was doing. When I responded that I had significant nausea that Bendectin made tolerable. He responded with “you know your baby will be born with a birth defect don’t you?” To make it worse, this was at a time when I was assigned to the transplant service with exposure to cytomegalovirus that can be problematic for the fetus. He was as ass. Consults in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit were challenging for me until I got to my last month when I felt it was unlikely that my child would require the NICU.

My assigned rotation for the last 2 months of pregnancy was the outpatient clinic so I was not in the operating room except when I was on call. This is what I would have been doing had I not been pregnant. I was very uncomfortable the last few weeks and at 38 weeks I tried every old wive’s tale to induce labor. I worked Friday and went into labor at 1 AM the following Monday delivering my son at 8 AM. I had no intention of having natural childbirth and had not done Lamaze. I did get an epidural as soon as I could and it worked well for one contraction. I was progressing too quickly to have it redone so I felt every other contraction. Perhaps the epidural diminished the amount of pain I had with each contraction. I retained solid memories of the pain for many, many years. My husband was in the delivery room and he took some photos of the birth. I am not sure I still have them.

As it turned out pregnancy, labor and delivery were the easy parts of my journey.

Stay tuned.

I am visiting family in Denver with time to write. The flight to Denver was uneventful. It was my first time since Covid and the Nashville airport seemed pretty normal except everyone had a mask on. The flight was the same. It was full and everyone had a mask on and I felt OK about it. While I have a purple suitcase because purple is my color, it used to be a unique color on the baggage claim belts. It appears that purple is now a popular color for suitcases. I almost got two that were not mine off of the belt.

Since July, I have had several times when I thought I was done with resting my brain and ready to use the professional skills that I accumulated over my career – only to realize within a short period of time that I simply was not ready.

I have had a wonderful opportunity to work with a colleague on a start-up for a product that I have interest in/passion for but I kept putting it off. It would only require a few hours a week but even that was too much for me to commit to for months. I was ready to make that commitment a few weeks ago and it has felt good to use my professional brain again.

Next week I am having 2 meetings with different individuals – one local to Nashville and one that would be a remote opportunity to explore other ways of using my skills in meaningful ways. One is an in-person lunch meeting. I have not worn business clothes – even business casual since Feb 2020. It will be interesting.

I continue to do “private” health advocacy for the personal joy it provides. I recognize that I could have a successful private health advocacy business and there is a need for this role, it has become clear that I have no appetite for the business aspects of such an endeavor. I would love to partner with someone who would develop a business that provides the infrastructure for other private health advocates as a joint business venture. I could pilot the process for others to join. Health care professionals rarely have business skills. I think there are other retiring health professionals from all backgrounds (social work, nursing, occupational therapy, medicine) that would be interesting in doing private health advocacy if there was a process to plug in to. A business that was inclusive of advocates from various professional backgrounds could create teams for clients that could better meet their complex needs.

It appears that figuring out what I do NOT want to do may be easier than what I DO want to do. I can live with that.