I got James and I ancestry kits for Christmas. My results became available yesterday. I was kind of hoping to find something surprising – at least a tiny bit of Mediterranean ancestry but alas it is nothing very exotic.
I think Parent 1 is my mom as her father was German and her mother was German and English. We knew that my father family had been from England at some point but they also have an equal amount of Swedish/Denmark DNA.
I will likely spend a fair amount of time on the cruise seeing what else I can learn from the ancestry.com site. I am pretty captive. I am also going to spend some time trying to learn more basics of Polish. I have been doing Duolingo to learn Polish since the end of October. I had hoped to go back in May but that did not work out. I hope to go back – perhaps next year. It is a very difficult language and while I learned a lot of words, I don’t really understand the rules behind stringing them together into sentences. I found a website that I think will give me some of that background. Hopefully that may take some of the mystery out of it.
We were both wide awake at 4 AM (really 3 AM with time change). I decided it would be a good time to do the hot tub – perhaps relax us so we could get back to sleep. Carol reluctantly agreed and we got into our suits and up to the 16th level only to find they put nets over the pools over night. BUMMER. We sat out under the stars for a bit and then came back to room and fell back asleep. I did the hot tub when I woke up again at 730 AM and met a nice women Annie from San Francisco. She has attended the singles and solo mixer at 6 PM and has made some acquaintances. I will likely go this evening and check it out.
Carol’s eyelashes fell off and we lost one. We ate some left over chocolate mousse birthday cake for breakfast and Carol is on the balcony reading – her bliss.
Yesterday we talked about Carol’s birthdays during her childhood that she remembered. She first indicated that birthdays were not that big of a thing in her family because her mother put the emphasis on Christmas. She doesn’t really remember birthday gifts but her mother gave her several parties. As they lived in the country, one year her mother had arranged for everyone to get off the bus at their farm and have cake and ice cream and another year, they had birthday in the town hall and her entire class was invited.
Her birthday her senior year of high school (after her mother had died) she was able to invite all of the girls in there class to a slumber party at the farm. Her dad was downstairs and all of the girls were upstairs in the 4 bedrooms.
She recalled that her father did not have a curfew for her in high school but when she returned after her first year of college, he did give her a curfew. He didn’t have a good explanation why. She never tested it anyway – there was not that much to do.
He always told her to not do anything she would be ashamed to have him find out she did. When I asked her what she did that she would have been afraid for him to find out, she told me about a time when she and 3 girlfriends went with some guy friends to a strip show. Apparently prior to the strip show starting, they played 3 Stooges movies. The girls left after the 3 Stooges and never saw any of the strip show so I don’t really think that counts.
Several fellow travelers we have met during meals have suggested that now is a good time for Carol to stretch herself and try new things; that you do not have to be set in your ways at 80. I think she has heard it a bit and is trying. Last night for dinner, she had Black and Blue French Onion soup (black for Jack Daniels and blue for blue cheese). Her initial reaction was not to try it because it had alcohol and she had never tried blue cheese, but she ordered it and enjoyed it.
We have another game of cards this afternoon which does help to pass time. Perhaps we will have energy to see a show tonight.
Tomorrow is Kona and we will get off of the ship. Hopefully we will have cell service so I can spend time helping her learn how to use her phone. The Android does not do text messaging via internet and the delay in the internet with email is BAD on her phone. I got an email this morning that I initiated from her phone on Tuesday.
Veteran cruisers know that internet via ships is not great. I was not expecting it to be this difficult – now I know.
The slowness of this internet makes it difficult to upload images and once they are uploaded they seem to disappear so hopefully they come through….
We were both up to go the bathroom around the same time so Carol got her first “Happy Birthday” song at 3AM. We had breakfast in our room and then went off to get Carol’s hair done.
While Carol was getting her shampoo, I went to Customer Service to make sure I could get her cake delivered to or table at dinner in the Crown Grill where we will have a lobster dinner. The officer who helped me was Rosa who what the one that had to deal with me on Monday during the documentation fiasco. She remembered me and was very nice. While she was making sure she had everything arranged, she asked if I had paid the upcharge for the specialty restaurant which I had. She then proceeded to arrange to have the amount refunded so the dinner would be on her. It was such an act of kindness that it brought me to tears. Rosa came around the desk and gave me a hug. I think I finally stopped holding my breath and accepted that this was going to be an wonderful birthday for Carol.
Meanwhile back in the salon, Vish asked what time our dinner was – 620 PM. It was early at the time I scheduled it but it turns out it is a good thing because Carol is ready for bed by 8. We are now 4 hours behind our normal time. Vish said if we could come back at 530 today she would do makeup for Carol so she could really be queen for a day. That almost brought me to tears as well as I was going to give it a go, but I suck at putting makeup on anyone else. I barely get it on my own face. We ran out of time to finish the hair style so she will finish that later as well. She was terribly sweet and made Carol feel very special.
We then walked around the shopping level and I got a soft long sleeve shirt that will be good for being on the deck. We then heard a lecture on Effy jewelry and helped to win a pair of diamond studs but didn’t. Carol really liked their rings but found them a bit pricey. It was interesting that they were willing to take 50% off suggested price as the starting point if you showed hesitation. We left without a ring and went to lunch. We had a window seat by the water and Carol had a cheeseburger which she thought was really good.
We ambled back to the room which had been decorated in the meantime.
The room decorations brought tears to Carol and I got another big hug!!!
While I cannot get the picture to upload, Carol finally had a chance to sit on the balcony (with a warm jacket), watch the water, listen to the waves and read.
I didn’t even take any pics today. Temp this morning was in the 40’s. It was still windy but the skies were mostly sunny. Carol has been sleeping really well. I am sleeping OK. We had breakfast in the room this morning and discovered that when you order bottles of water with breakfast, there is no additional charge but later in the day, there is a charge. We watched the Greatest Showman this morning in the room and The Gift before dinner.
I went and walked around the deck for about 25 minutes before lunch. It was breezy but better than I thought it would be. We shared a table for lunch with a mother and daughter from Bend OR, a couple from the East Bay and a couple from across the Golden Gate Bridge. Everyone encouraged Carol to use the cruise as a time to try new things on the menu but she is not very adventurous.
We played cards with two women from Fort Worth this afternoon which was nice. We did not keep score.
We discovered the dining room tonight that serves the same food but that you can walk in to. In spite of it being a formal night, we went pretty casual as tomorrow is our big dress up day – Carol’s 80th. It will start with breakfast in our room. Her hair appointment is at 9 AM. The room will be decorated while we are gone. We are going to play cards again in the afternoon. I have not decided when to have the cake yet. It is a huge cake and we will not eat much of it so I think I will try and have it delivered at dinner and then share it with others int he restaurant.
We spend some time discussing family history – mostly just getting the main players all outlined. We will be moving more into interesting stories soon.
Carol described herself as living very much inside the box and I spent much of my adult life living outside of the box. Perhaps that is a reason besides the fact that I was no longer living in Iowa that we drifted pretty far apart over the past several decades.
It will be much better when it is warm enough to spend time out on the deck or on our balcony. I am glad to have the extra room of the mini suite. Without it I think I would be feeling pretty claustrophobic.
Tomorrow is the big day. Carol never thought she would make it to 80 but it appears that she will. So celebrate we shall.
Last night I went through and made us reservations in the sit down dining rooms for all of our nights on the ship. Some nights we got a private table and some nights we will share a table. Tonight was scheduled as a private table. I practiced putting a bit of make-up on Carol tonight – mascara, eye-brow pencil and lip stick to get ready for Thursday. It was pretty minimal but it seemed like a lot to her. She told me that she spent one year putting Mary Kay makeup on every day. It took her about 30 minutes and after the year, she decided it didn’t make her look better so she stopped. I thought the little bit I did made a nice difference. My self-esteem about my appearance was damaged by my older brother and she said her older sister Betty did the damage to her confidence in her appearance. She did not want to wear the sweater with this top because the top was longer in front than the sweater. This is so not a big deal now but was a real no no when she grew up. It was too cool to go without the sweater so she wore it.
She admits she is rather stuck in her ways and likes things certain ways but she is not fighting me on my suggestions too much and I think she does sort of like some of the changes I am suggesting. When we get home she can do whatever she wants, but until then she is going to continue to stretch herself a bit each day.
The reason that she does not want to wear her hair back is because she can see the the clear loop other hearing aide when she looks in the mirror. I cannot see it when I look at her face to face. But she knows it is there and it makes her feel old to see them.
When we arrived at the dining room about 15 minutes early, the couple ahead of us was in some distress because they had changed their reservation to be seated with others to a private table earlier in the day because today was their anniversary. The hostess was struggling to accommodate them so I suggested we switch reservations so the couple could have our private table. They had to wait 15 minutes and we got to eat earlier with a couple from Bend OR who have done a total of 18 cruises. This was their 3rd to Hawaii. The people at the table were a mother and daughter. They had lived in Alaska for a while. Now the mother was in Knoxville, TN and the daughter in Atlanta.
Carol tried lamb for the first time. The salmon was probably very good. I could not taste the shrimp bisque at all nor did I get any flavor from the cheesecake for dessert.
Tomorrow is supposed to be another gray, cold day, but the sun is supposed to come out midday Thursday – Carol’s birthday.
After my time of reflection I decided to go the hot tub in the cold, windy weather. While I was there I decided to have a strawberry daiquiri – before lunch. It was quiet and pleasant and there was a movie playing on the big screen. I then dressed myself in borrowed clothes from friend Deb and sister-in-law Karen.
I am not sure how I got the photos side by side and aligned yesterday but they are offset today.
After dressing, I took a turn at styling my Aunt’s hair. It is a fine as mine and I do not think her bangs style is all that flattering. She was game to let me do what I could. I have minimal skills but I liked what I came up with. It confirmed my belief about her bangs. I am getting better at getting her to smile.
After lunch we went to the spa to see if we could schedule pedicures. We were supposed to get them in San Francisco, but because of how things turned out we did not have time. Carol had never had a pedicure before. While there, Carol befriended one of the hair stylists who works mornings. We reschedule her hair appointment with Vish on Thursday morning rather than the afternoon so Carol can look like a queen more of the day
We are fading fast but have a dinner reservation at 7 PM. We have to make it another half 45 minutes to eat and then I think we will not have enough energy to take in any entertainment tonight.
We did schedule a date tomorrow to play cards with a couple of women that I met in one of the long lines yesterday.
The internet connectiivy is slow and expensive. It will be another thing on my comments. I am sure they have heard it plenty of times before. We got started on reminiscing about the Prehm and Plank families and I will start writing that down later. This will be fun.
When I chose “unleashed” I thought of it as unleashed from the straight-jacket and muzzle but there is another meaning – unleashed from the past with the privilege to discover who I want to be in the next phase. My volunteer carpentry with Habitat for Humanity and Nashville Tools for School anchors and fulfills me and whatever I decide it will be in addition to and not in place of those activities.
A cold and rainy day at sea. Waters are not really rough. A perfect day to decompress from the prolonged and painful process of getting on ship. I filled out my response to the Allegiant customer survey and am curious what response I get. I will follow-up if I do not get any response. Next I will document the misinformation I received by Princess Customer Service that could have cost us the trip if we were not able to get anyone to go to Carol’s and get a copy of the Birth Certificate. Enough of the past……
I connected with a NIH colleague whom I worked with in the NIDDK who is native of Honolulu. We did not work directly together much as her area was hematology and mine was urology. She retired shortly before I did. She will meet us and show us the island from her perspective on Sunday and Monday which will be wonderful for us. It will be fun for me to get to know her better outside of our work personas.
This caused me to reflect on my departure from the NIH and the choice of the title for my blog – Tamara Unleashed. Apart from the toxicity of the last 2 years there, the role of a Scientific Program Officer was constraining to me. I felt like I was in a straight jacket with a muzzle most of the time. When I acted according to what I thought was doing my job well, I was constantly concerned that I was doing and or saying the wrong thing to the wrong person. I thought the way the NIH defined Conflict of Interest was absurd and no way reflected actual conflict of interest.
Three weeks ago I attended the annual meeting of the Society for Urodynamics, Female Pelvic Medicine and Urogenital Reconstruction (SUFU) meeting in Nashville. This was the professional organization that awarded me a Distinguished Service Award and a Lifetime Achievement Award. Both were a surprise and a great honor. The Lifetime Achievement Award was in the midst of Covid in 2021. The meeting was vital; I had to prepare a talk for remote delivery while I was recovering from Covid. Not my finest. At any rate, I wanted to support the organization and connect with colleagues since I just sort of disappeared when I retired from the NIDDK. It was wonderful to connect with many individuals whom I think I was able to help during my tenure at the NIDDK and to mentor a few young women.
People thought I was very good at the role of the Scientific Program Officer and it was almost impossible to explain how “toxic” the role was for me. I had people suggest I become a Life Coach. I still toy with taking the role of a Health Advocate more seriously than occasional, volunteer. I am hoping the time away from it all will help be sort out if I want to have another part-time career.
When I chose “unleashed” I thought of it as unleashed from the straight-jacket and muzzle but there is another meaning – unleashed from the past with the privilege to discover who I want to be in the next phase. My volunteer carpentry with Habitat for Humanity and Nashville Tools for School anchors and fulfills me and whatever I decide it will be in addition to and not in place of those activities.
Aunt Carol on the balcony of our mini suite and me with a bottle of champagne to start the decompression process. We arrived at the terminal at 1230, our scheduled time, only to find out the scheduled times for entry were meaningless. Everyone was arriving at the same time. We were one of the last ones to board around 4 PM – you just can’t make this up. I have never worked so hard to plan anything trying to avoid any disasters and it backfired every step of the way. In the future I will revert to my more natural style which is much looser. I was able to finish my shopping in SF this morning – most importantly I have my SPF100 sunscreen.
The line to drop luggage
The line to check in
Once we finally got through the security check to get screened to check in, we did not have the correct documentation to check in – (passport or driver’s license and birth certificate). This is in spite of working with a Princess employee on the phone. I had checked last fall whether a passport was necessary for this cruise and found that it was not necessary for a cruise that started and ended in a US port even with a stop in Ensenada. As Carol did not have a passport, we did not plan on getting off the ship in Mexico. When I spoke to the Princess agent on the phone to complete the documentation process, I was very clear that we were using drivers licenses and he entered the information. We were declared travel ready. No mention was made of needing to have birth certificates. He apparently entered the info as passport information which is how we came up as travel ready.
You can imagine my level of frustration when I was being told 3 hours before we sail that we had to have a passport or birth certificate and was shown multiple times where it said so on their website (SO NOT HELPFUL). Fortunately it turned out that we just needed pictures of the documents, so brother Tim drove an hour to get Carol’s to take a photo of Carol’s birth certificate and James went to my place to get a photo of my passport.
While James was at place he took pictures of the progress on my bathroom renovations –
What was a bathroom closet now opens into my hallway so I will have hall closet. I have ample space for storage in the actual bathrooms. I am SO EXCITED to have a hall closet.
Interestingly while I was trying not to “lose my shit” while we were trying to get checked in I had a heavy sensation in my chest. I recognized it as the feeling I had daily during most of my last 2 years of work at the NIDDK. During that time, I was not really aware of having that sensation because it was always there. Sometime between then and now, it stopped. I will be celebrating my 2 year anniversary of leaving that “toxic for me” job on this cruise.
Remember what I said about bad things happening in 3’s – well we are in the multiples of 3 by this time. At James suggestion, I called Fed Ex and found out that there was no way for my bag to get from Nashville to SF in time for the cruise. James went to Nashville airport and picked up my suitcase with all of my stuff and it will remain in Nashville for the cruise. Allegiant is officially on my shit list. They had Friday evening and Saturday to get the suitcase to the FedEx and simply didn’t do it.
The flight to Phoenix was delayed so our connection to SFO would be missed and we were rebooked to go back through Dallas. We arrived at the hotel at 2 AM only to find out that their system shuts down for 30 minutes every night to go from one day to the next and we can’t be checked in for 30 minutes.
After I found out that I would not have any clothes for the trip, I went “shopping” in my sister-in-law’s closet and found much of what I would need. Longtime friend Deb came by with suitcase and a few more items and we went off to Target to fill in the gaps. I will hopefully be able to find a couple of more things here in the morning.
The day was not without a silver lining – I got bumped to first class on both legs so Carol got first class from DSM to DFW and I did from DFW to SFO. The walk from the gate to baggage claim was very long but we made it. All thoughts of getting to ride share with our luggage dissipated and we jumped into a private cab right outside of the door. I think we were overcharged but it was worth it.
We are being checked in now. Some sleep is sounding really good.
Tamara Unleashed 