We returned from our trip to DC only to find the mouse or mice that we thought we had rid ourselves of were still here – “when the cats away” is totally true. They chewed parchment paper, hot mitts and left plenty of droppings.
Craig did a thorough cleaning of the “food areas” Sunday and reset all the traps. Yesterday, he had caught one mouse and found 2 others licked clean. We hoped we had our pest. This morning, there was an expletive from the kitchen and once again we had 2 traps with the peanut butter licked clean and one missing trap. A search for the missing trap ensued. It was found far. back in cupboard without a mouse.
Lower cupboards are now all thoroughly cleaned and traps are once again set.
I can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow morning,
The first daffodil buds appeared before my surgery on Feb 15th and it is nice that later blooms are still around. The grass started turning green over night and it is time to start mowing again. I still have 10 days to go before I am finished with my activity restrictions. I can’t wait to get tired from physical exertion. I had really counted on having more pain to help limit my activity but pain has been minimal from the beginning. Thus far I have had a good outcome from the surgery and am glad that I did it.
It was so exciting when he drove it off of the ramp onto the newly constructed dirt and gravel ramp. While only the driver’s side was damaged, he replaced everything but the wheel on the passenger side as well. The car had 190K miles on it and he had just replaced the brakes earlier last year so hopefully we will have time to put another 190K miles on it. It is a more comfortable ride than my CMax hybrid so we have options for our car trips.
I started constructing a barn door style sliding door for the master bedroom at the condo in December. Craig did the installation yesterday. I absolutely love the look. So much better than the big white door opening into the room and hiding a corner.
Friday night we went to see Pat McLaughlin play at a small restaurant venue about 40 minutes SW of Nashville. James and Natalie have been following him for a long time and I think I saw him live with James a LONG time ago. He generally plays with the same band members and does not allow the group to rehearse. He likes the loose feel of the set that is a fair amount of improvisation. Apparently this was only the second time this base player did a live show with him and you could tell it was a wild ride. It was such a FUN show.
Last week I got a travel/protective case for an electric bass guitar and Craig went and picked up the used base this morning. I will be starting lessons soon – once there is money invested, I will be obligated to do my part.
For my last week of activity restrictions we are going to take a car trip to Washington DC and NC. The Cherry Blossoms will be past peak but it still should be beautiful. Later this year they will be removing 300 of the cherry trees in the Tidal Basin to repair the sea wall.
When we return, we will start cycling and I will find a bass guitar instructor.
This post was written on November 5th 2023. I was waiting for a photo of Danny and Brent’s wedding to include and then forgot….
In the past 2 weeks, we were present for the unexpected death of Craig’s best friend, James Peters and joyful wedding of Danny and Brent. I had the incredible privilege of being Danny’s Best Person and walked him down the aisle at sunset last night. Such a joyful celebration. Danny’s 3 kids, Emma (13), Eli (12) and Everett Fox (7) each had a role in the ceremony. Eli and Fox got up to the microphone and made some special comments and Emma sang them a song. The pastor gave such a warm and personal message as a part of the ceremony that I was a bit overwhelmed. It truly was the perfect celebration of life and love.
Craig and his friend James have made music together for the past 30 years and have been there for the highs and lows in each other lives. James had a massive hemorrhagic stroke last Tuesday while we were on a week long road trip visiting friends and seeing the fall colors. When we found out, we immediately drove back to Nashville and spent 24 hours in the hospital with James and his wife. The stroke was not survivable and there are now 2 people with kidneys and numerous other lives that will be positively impacted by his organ and tissue donation.
This 24 hour in-hospital experience was do dramatically different from anything I have ever experienced and it gave me hope, The quality of the care was phenomenal, particularly the nursing staff.at TriStar Centennial Medical Center in Nashville. The nurses never seemed to be rushed and were attentive to James, his wife and Craig and I. The support for the process of organ donation was also amazing. James’ wife was presented with a organ donation medallion and will receive a pendant with James finger print. When it came time to take James to the OR for the organ harvest, a special sheet identifying him as an organ donor was placed over him and the hallway to the OR was lined by hospital personnel paying tribute as he was wheeled by. It was all very meaningful for his wife.
Present time – I feel so fortunate that I had the opportunity to see James and Craig make music together 3 times before he died – the last time just 10 days before his stroke. James was only 65 but was a smoker and had already survived on stroke. After the first stroke, he did not have the dexterity for the fingering on his guitar that he was used to so he learned to play the steel guitar. From my perspective he still played his guitar beautifully. Craig is now back to picking up his guitar and playing a few times a week but it is not the same….
I am going to take some lessons on bass guitar so see if I can learn enough to play with Craig on at least a few songs. I write this to hold myself accountable to my commitment. I am not sure I have the ability that Craig feels sure that I have.
After reading my latest blog, Craig said “you forgot Valentines Day”. I assured him I had not forgotten but it deserved its own blog. As VD approached, we were both a bit distracted because my surgery would be on the 15th. We both tend towards spontaneous gestures/gifts rather than “big” ones so we both indicated VD wasn’t a big deal to us, but at the same time it was our FIRST Valentine’s Day.
The Saturday before we were in Franklin KY and a dump truck was parked on the street. Craig said “I always wanted a dump truck”. It stuck. I obviously couldn’t buy a real dump truck but I looked a toy dump trucks on Amazon and spent a lot of time weighing the options. It could be more realistic for fanciful. Then I saw the perfect one. I ordered it and it arrived the day on the 13th.
When I have a gift for someone, I have a hard time waiting until the appointed day to give it and this was not exception. I also am not big on gift wrapping – seems a bit of a waste to my practical side, so I gave Craig the Amazon box and said Happy Valentine’s Day. What man wouldn’t appreciate a lavender and pink dump truck. I had a vision for where it would be placed on his dresser against our lavender walls.
He was appreciative of the gesture and suddenly said he knew what he wanted to give me. He disappeared into his shop and after several hours he came in and said I was not allowed to look out any of the windows. I was preparing food to freeze for my recovery days so it was easy enough to comply.
After dark he came in and wanted me to come outside with him. We walked out into the front yard and I found a swing hanging from a tree. Unbelievably sweet. He said he needed to make a couple of adjustments before I could swing in it. It wasn’t until the morning that I could appreciate how high the branch was that it was attached to.
After he made the adjustments, I had a great time trying it out.
I have started several blogs in the past 4 months but for one reason or another they did not get finished. I just saw the automatic renewal for this website and decided it was a waste of money if not used. I also heard from a couple of people that they missed my blogs so I decided today is the day.
I have been busy living and enjoying my life. Some may have wondered if my silence was a indication that my relationship with Craig that I so publicly shared in the beginning was faltering. It is not – we just celebrated our 8 month anniversary and choose every day to continue our loving partnership. While our relationship has been rock solid, we have had highs and lows in our lives. I will share a Cliff Notes version of the last 4 months and come back to more detailed reflections over the coming weeks.
In late October, Craig and I traveled to Indianapolis to see the Chapin family and original band members in a Tribute show to Harry Chapin for what would have been his 80th birthday. It was a fabulous show with much talent in the next generation. The family has kept his legacy alive.The Palladium in Carmel IN is a fabulous venue.
From Indy, we traveled through Kentucky into NE TN in peak leaf colors. Weather was great and Craig has his first AirBnB experiences. Out next destination was Hendersonville NC to spend a few days to introduce Craig to more of my friends in SW NC and NW SC. Unfortunately after we arrived, Craig found out that his best friend in TN had a massive stroke. We jumped in the car, drove the 5 hours back to Nashville and spent the next 24 hours with his friend’s wife in the hospital. His stroke was not survivable but his kidneys (and many other organs) were suitable for donation. Observing this process unfold, I truly understood that the gift of donation can be a comfort to the family.
In early November my brothers delivered my dining room table, chairs and buffet from my grandparents farm house that Aunt Carol has had for 50 years. Their trip coincided with my birthday and we had a really fun couple of days. I love having the furniture in my condo and look forward to spending more time with it in the coming months as I get back to spending some time in Nashville every week.
Craig and I took a long weekend to Isla Mujeres, an island near Cancun in November. We stayed and a very unique BnB, Villa La Bella that James and Natalie had stayed at and it did not disappoint. We enjoyed the scenery and the food and snorkeled for the first time. I had purchased a full body swimsuit so I was able to be out in the sun in the water without fear of getting burned. Fabulous.
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After getting home, we had a week to get the hydraulic lift functional so Craig could start the work of salvaging his 2014 Nissan Pathfinder that had been damaged 6 weeks earlier when avoiding a dog in the road. We planned to spend Thanksgiving week finishing our trip to visit friends in the Carolinas. Unfortunately, the evening after the lift was fully functional, I started to feel unwell – very much like my Covid #2 experience. I tested negative twice but thought it was not a good idea to go visit friends. Wednesday morning I was telling Craig that Thanksgiving was the worst time to get sick when I broke out in a diffuse rash with a low grade fever. I could no longer rationalize this as just being tired from a very busy 5 months so off to urgent care I went. I was tested for Strep, Covid, Influenza A and RSV. All were negative but I did have a “dangerously” low white blood count. WHAT?? I was advised to go the ER for a spinal tap to rule out meningitis. As I had previously had viral meningitis in 1986, I really didn’t think I had it but the low WBC was confusing and concerning. Off to the ER we went. They ER confirmed everything was negative did not think I needed a spinal tap. The rash disappeared 2 days later and my white blood count improved by 2 weeks later.
The early December weather cooperated so we were able to get some much needed driveway maintenance done. After watching how much work it took to get Gilda functional, it was clear that an antique tractor was going to suck up too much time and after alot of careful research, we purchased Katie Kiota on Facebook Marketplace.
Getting an immobile Nissan from its damaged driver front wheel mechanism on the lift was another feat of creative wenching amongst other things. Craig’s creative problem solving never ceases to amaze me. This was one happy day.
Now that this was accomplished, it was time to head to Iowa for Christmas and helping my family get Aunt Carol ready for moving from her house she had lived in for 5 years to a 2 bedroom retirement facility. A planned one week trip turned into almost 2 as it was much bigger task than any of us anticipated. Craig was able to put his handyman skills to good use and stay out of the drama of trying to determine what did not need to be moved. We had some great family time and Craig is now fully integrated.
We got to spend NYE and day out of the chaos and were gifted Hawkeye shirts for the bowl game that did not go well.
We all did our best to take things from Aunt Carol so she could feel better about losing her things. Craig was not quite sure about my vision for the cauldron, but I think we will find the perfect spot for it at the Garden. I am doing my best to make use of all that I acquired most of which was not a need.
I allowed myself a week to decompress after getting back to TN on January 4th. During this time a dear friend in DC died. While I knew she was quite ill, her death came very quickly and was a shock. I made arrangements to go to DC for her services but was thwarted by the winter storm and deep freeze that hit TN in mid January. 8 inches of snow is not a lot by midwest standards but when it is combined with no snow removal on rural roads and side streets it leads to paralysis. Generally in TN quick snow melt makes having a lot of equipment unnecessary but it was sub freezing for 10 days following the snow. As we were down to one car, we were not taking any unnecessary chances on the roads. During the bitter cold, Craig was able to get most of the repair work on the Nissan done. I mainly put a very challenging puzzle together – one I will never try again.
I made a quick trip to New Orleans for a women in urology meeting the end of January. This was a leadership and mentoring meeting sponsored by the Society of Women in Urology. The speakers were mainly women urologists most of whom I did not know as they were much younger than I. Most of the attendees were medical students, residents and fellows – over 300 in total. It was astounding to me as my first Women in Urology gathering in 1985. At that time it was a informal breakfast of 6-7 women at the annual urology meeting. While it is still not an easy path for women (or men for that matter), I could clearly see the younger generations are starting their careers with a higher degree of confidence. It makes a difference. I gave a talk about wisdom gained by seniority. It was awkward for me as u=it is unclear that the sum of my experiences can be considered wisdom but the talk seemed to be well received. Hopefully I am done with this kind of public speaking.
Three days after returning to Nashville, we took off for a family wedding in Denver and a few days in Winter Park. The wedding was beautiful with great family hang time. Craig got me meet my ex and his family. Everyone got along well. it was Craig and my first opportunity to dance and it reminded me of my need for dance lessons. Craig was “forced” to do some lessons as an adolescent and it was clear he had more skills than I did. I am not good a following a lead.
We were able to visit a dear friend of Craig’s who is recovering from a hip fracture. She was doing incredibly well and Craig was able to play her favorite song for her on a borrowed guitar. It was very special for me to get to know Ann.
While the last weather forecast I had seen had not predicted snow in Denver, I learned that predictions are not that accurate. 8 inches were quickly dumped on the city and we naively thought there was no way the Berthoud Pass would be clear for us to go to Winter Park the next day. We were wrong. Both Denver and the pass were back to normal 12 hours after the snow had ended. Equipment, salt and manpower make a BIG difference,
Craig and I are not skiers but I did try snowshoeing. It was not exactly as I imagined – walking on top of the snow but it was fun. At times like these I am so thankful for KP and Ashley and their guidance over the last 6 plus years of strength, core and balance training.
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We returned home to getting ready for my reschedule surgery (Feb 15th) for my hernia repair combined with my surgery to fix my urinary incontinence. More to be said about this in subsequent blogs. It was very weird benign on the patient side of the surgery that I did when I practiced. In most ways, it was not as bad as I expected. Craig has been a great care taker and monitor of my activity. There has not been as much pain as I was expecting to limit my desire for doing normal activities. Avoiding lifting more than 10# for 6 weeks is going to be challenging. Only 4 weeks to go. The good news is that I can laugh without leaking now. YEAH!!!!
During my first meeting with Craig on July 16th, he told me that his best friend from Vietnam would be visiting for several days in October and that there was several things he wanted to get done before the visit. “Oly” Olson lives in Coeur d’Alene, ID. They last saw each other in 2008 in Washington. At the top of the list was getting The Garden in good shape – reclaiming the land that had been lost to branches and getting his shop cleaned up and the hydraulic car lift installed. By the end of August, it seemed clear that our relationship was solid and we set about getting ready for Oly’s visit.
Oly and his son Erick arrived Friday night at midnight. We left for the airport at 1115PM. Craig came in from the shop at 1045 PM satisfied it was ready. Not a minute to spare. The lift was built. We tore down scaffolding and remade it into a lumber rack, removed all the lumber from the existing lumber rack, sorted it and put it in the new very custom lumber rack. Craig created a work bench for me. I cleaned 10 years of sawdust and grime off of the 46 Chevy panel truck that Craig started driving and modifying at age 17. The shop was organized and cleaned up. In the meantime the house had a deep cleaning, the land was mowed and we were ready for Oly.
Oh, by the way, Craig turned 75 last Wednesday, bought a 2000 Chevy truck with 54,000 miles with insurance settlement for his 2014 Nissan that was totaled after running into a ditch culvert avoiding a dog. He was also able to buy back the totaled Nissan with the settlement money as well which he can repair with he assistance of the new lift.
We celebrated with cake about 10 PM when we finally had the lumber rack “mostly” assembled. Neither of us felt the 75 seemed real so the problem was quickly solved.
The new lumber rack with wood organized. With this done the last day before Oly’s arrival was spent further organizing and cleaning the shop which included constucting a work bench for me.
We picked Oly and Erick up at the airport at midnight and drove back to The Garden. After snacks, the shop was inspected. Here they are looking under the hood of the 46 Chevy panel truck.
We have been so busy it has been hard to find time to catch up on the blog. All of the work to get things in shape for Oly’s visit was so worth it.
It is a brisk 43 degrees this morning. The skies and blue and clear. While there are plenty of leaves on the ground the trees have not really started turning colors yet. It has been a challenging few weeks emotionally as we made the decision to re-home both of our dogs. Buckley’s jealousy of Carli and Carli’s jealously of Craig and displeasure that I was not available to sit with her all the time were not getting any better. She did do better the week that Craig had her when I was traveling but gradually deteriorated when I was around. After multiple failed attempts at providing the consistent feedback to Carli necessary to modify her behavior, I realized it was just not “in me”. We were very fortunate that Buckley’s previous owners were willing to take him back and so far it seems that now that he is older the pet incompatibility issues in that home are better. James and Natalie decided to take Carli. I am very grateful.
Buckley left midday on Monday so Carli had the afternoon to roam around without the fear of Buckley’s playfulness. She came with me to cut branches off of fallen trees in the Magic Forest part of the neighboring cow pasture and had a moment with a cow. She did not bark.
I dropped her off with James on Tuesday. James and Natalie now have the couch that was in my living room where Carli and I spent a year snuggling so that is familiar to her. She will be well cared for and loved.
This week I kept busy cutting branches off fallen trees, loading them in a wagon and burning them. I was able to work through much of my sadness. There is something oddly therapeutic about using a chain saw. I don’t have any good “before” pictures but imagine each of the trunks full of branches. The cedar trees are the worst. One might wonder why I am spending time in the neighbor’s pasture. I thought it was nutty until I started doing it and realized how much better the view was from our kitchen window and back deck. I like the think the cow’s appreciate having more space to roam as well.
Yesterday I mowed the entire property without any assistance. I can comfortably maneuver the lawnmower around all of the trees and managed not to destroy any of the baby trees.
I have also been assisting Craig with the installation of a hydraulic vehicle lift. It is amazing what he can do with wenches and scaffolding. While I have been able to provide some lifting assistance, my main contribution has been scraping orange paint from one of the posts and washing the various pieces – we can’t have a dirty car lift.
With this lift and this door, we can get almost anything up in the air for maintenance. The installation should be done today and I look forward to riding up and down on it.
It is so fun to be joined by the herd of cows at various times of the day. The major outdoor work is completed and now we are moving on to cleaning and organizing the shop including installation of a hydraulic lift for car maintenance. It is fun to have so many various ways to stay active and gain new skills. I will have my own workbench when we get done. I will hopefully be able to build my own tables to donate for organizations that help unhoused people furnish homes when they get them.
James had the opportunity to perform with Little Texas this summer. The band had a show in Franklin, TN last Friday so I got a chance to see the show which was fabulous. It was so amazing to watch him excel in his chosen profession. I hear him practice frequently and it is oddly comforting. The sound never bothers me but it is entirely different to see him on stage.
There is a bit of lull in activity this morning so I am able to catch up on blogging. I think of lots of things I would like to blog about but am too tired at the end of the days to do them. When I decided to go on Match.com, I was looking for a cycling partner and someone willing to do “things” to stay active physically and mentally. I was SO VERY TIRED of a mostly sedentary lifestyle. I loved my work with Habitat for Humanity and Tools for Schools and working with my trainer twice a week but that left A LOT of hours for finding things to keep me active which I was not great at. For me to safely cycle in Nashville (except for neighborhood loops which get boring quickly) I have to drive 20-40 minutes which is a HUGE deterrent.
When I first drove up to Craig’s place on July 16th, The Garden, I stopped to take a photo of the mailbox as I had a sense “The Garden” at the end of the long driveway was going to have great significance for me and it has. It has brought me back to my rural roots and provides endless opportunities for mental and physical activity. While I knew from Habitat, that I loved going out and doing physically intense work 1-2 days per week, I did not know I would love it 6 days a week as well. His 2 acres requires lots of maintenance. Lots of trees mean lots of sticks. Over the past week, we have reclaimed an area along the driveway that had gone wild for the past few years. I have learned how pruning new branches low on the trees really changes how the entire area looks. I have learned to use a chain saw and manage large fires of sticks. I am exhausted at the end of the day.
Craig and I work easily side by side or independently depending on the activity. It is highly unlikely that Craig and I would have worked as a couple at any other time in our lives. He was a risk-taking “bad ass” in his early life (much like me – HAHA). Our paths would never have crossed and if they had we wouldn’t have been been able to get beyond the obvious differences.
Of course everything is different in building a relationship without the pressures of full-time employment. Staying present in the moment is easier. While I thoroughly loved taking care of patients, the cloak of being a physician and surgeon was never comfortable for me; neither was the role in the pharmaceutical industry or a scientific officer at the NIH. Even though I was very good in each of those roles and I am very proud of what I accomplished, in my later years of employment I had a sense that all of it had been “what I did” but it wasn’t “who I was”.
Grateful does not even begin to describe how I feel now with a life partner who likes and loves me for exactly who I am. The Garden that gives me a huge number of opportunities to be physically active and learn new things every day. He wants to stay active and try new things with me. I am the most comfortable I have ever been. I am happy.
The herd of cows joined us for morning coffee. It seemed that the entire herd passed by through Magic Forest. Carli went right up to the fence had had a short conversation with one of the adults. Her barking scattered a cluster of spring calves.
Carli is getting braver at exploring around the property – especially when Buckley is in the pen and not trying to play with her. So far their play is Buckley walks up and puts his paw in the middle of her back pushing her down and she turns around and snaps at him. He repeats several times and then goes away. Sometime her tail is wagging but mostly it is tucked.
Carli continues to make progress in boot camp – the verdict is still out on Buckley. One step forward and three back.
Tamara Unleashed 