I have been going to blog for a few weeks but I have so many swirling thoughts and feelings that I haven’t been able to. Since I left clinical practice in 2002, I have followed politics more than ever before. After retirement, I stopped cable in part to separate myself from MSNBC. I stayed adequately informed through online news sources, friends, etc. Craig spent a lot more time monitoring the news than I did until the first presidential debate and then I got drawn in BIG TIME. It has been an exhausting 2 months from the dread that Trump would win the election to the elation of last week’s DNC where Kamala demonstrated she has what it takes to be President. Now we face 2 plus months of hope and fear.
Sunday morning I woke up feeling sad and as I tried to figure out why I came to the conclusion that I was jealous of the relationship that Kamala Harris and Michele Obama had with their mothers. I was so enthralled with both of their speeches. The content and the delivery. OMG.
I was sad because I couldn’t really think of anything my mother said that represented wisdom or guidance. She was a hardworking woman – teaching Kindergarten, going to school for her 4 year degree in the evenings, attending year round sporting events for 3 sons while raising 5 kids. There really wasn’t much time for conversation. I was a astute observer and didn’t really require much direction. I didn’t like getting into trouble so I stayed out of it. We didn’t. I really fight. There wouldn’t have been much to fight about. I didn’t want anything unrealistic and I helped her keep the house clean and family fed. My relationship with my mom seemed pretty similar to what I observed of my friends except for perhaps one or two who seemed to have a fondness for their mothers and shared things with them.
Our relationship changed and perhaps got closer after I had James. I could not have made it through residency without her willingness to be provide as much child care as we needed. One time when James was sick, she took time off from teaching to take care of him, because I certainly was not going to take time off from residency for a sick child. She became a wonderful grandmother at the same time she became an empty nester. While James gave us a comfortable topic of conversation but I don’t think our relationship deepened in any meaningful way. My mother’s mother died when she was in her mid twenties with 3 little kids. From what I understand, her mother was not a warm person. I can only guess that she treated me much as she was treated by her mother.
I am still processing all of the emotions stirred by the convention. We want to take action, but Tennessee is not a place with much of a chance of making a difference. I fantasize that if enough women come out Gloria Johnson can defeat Marsha Blackburn, but Craig assures me THAT is a fantasy. In early October Craig and I will put together a plan of action for supporting the election. We will likely go to a swing state where are efforts will have more of an impact.
In the meantime, I will keep busy with projects at The Garden and try not to spend TOO much on the political roller coaster.
Tamara Unleashed 