When I chose “unleashed” I thought of it as unleashed from the straight-jacket and muzzle but there is another meaning – unleashed from the past with the privilege to discover who I want to be in the next phase. My volunteer carpentry with Habitat for Humanity and Nashville Tools for School anchors and fulfills me and whatever I decide it will be in addition to and not in place of those activities.
A cold and rainy day at sea. Waters are not really rough. A perfect day to decompress from the prolonged and painful process of getting on ship. I filled out my response to the Allegiant customer survey and am curious what response I get. I will follow-up if I do not get any response. Next I will document the misinformation I received by Princess Customer Service that could have cost us the trip if we were not able to get anyone to go to Carol’s and get a copy of the Birth Certificate. Enough of the past……
I connected with a NIH colleague whom I worked with in the NIDDK who is native of Honolulu. We did not work directly together much as her area was hematology and mine was urology. She retired shortly before I did. She will meet us and show us the island from her perspective on Sunday and Monday which will be wonderful for us. It will be fun for me to get to know her better outside of our work personas.
This caused me to reflect on my departure from the NIH and the choice of the title for my blog – Tamara Unleashed. Apart from the toxicity of the last 2 years there, the role of a Scientific Program Officer was constraining to me. I felt like I was in a straight jacket with a muzzle most of the time. When I acted according to what I thought was doing my job well, I was constantly concerned that I was doing and or saying the wrong thing to the wrong person. I thought the way the NIH defined Conflict of Interest was absurd and no way reflected actual conflict of interest.
Three weeks ago I attended the annual meeting of the Society for Urodynamics, Female Pelvic Medicine and Urogenital Reconstruction (SUFU) meeting in Nashville. This was the professional organization that awarded me a Distinguished Service Award and a Lifetime Achievement Award. Both were a surprise and a great honor. The Lifetime Achievement Award was in the midst of Covid in 2021. The meeting was vital; I had to prepare a talk for remote delivery while I was recovering from Covid. Not my finest. At any rate, I wanted to support the organization and connect with colleagues since I just sort of disappeared when I retired from the NIDDK. It was wonderful to connect with many individuals whom I think I was able to help during my tenure at the NIDDK and to mentor a few young women.
People thought I was very good at the role of the Scientific Program Officer and it was almost impossible to explain how “toxic” the role was for me. I had people suggest I become a Life Coach. I still toy with taking the role of a Health Advocate more seriously than occasional, volunteer. I am hoping the time away from it all will help be sort out if I want to have another part-time career.
When I chose “unleashed” I thought of it as unleashed from the straight-jacket and muzzle but there is another meaning – unleashed from the past with the privilege to discover who I want to be in the next phase. My volunteer carpentry with Habitat for Humanity and Nashville Tools for School anchors and fulfills me and whatever I decide it will be in addition to and not in place of those activities.
Tamara Unleashed 