What was I looking forward to most in leaving federal service? I couldn’t wait be to able to speak without worrying if I was saying the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time. My comfort zone is gray. I have a strong ethical core and rudder so in general I do not need a lot of rules. At the NIH, there were so many rules that made no sense to me. In my view there was often a huge disconnect between the intent of rules and their execution. If I couldn’t understand the rules, I couldn’t remember and apply them. I was never sure if what I was saying was right or wrong for the circumstance. It was exhausting. For many colleagues, application of the rules seemed rather obvious, but not to me.
On a recent call, a colleague said something like “you mean you have not been speaking your mind”? I am apparently more straight-forward than most. In that moment, I decided I would start a blog the first day I was no longer under these restrictions called Tamara Unleashed. I would never again have to hear “we are just trying to keep you off of the front page of the Washington Post”. My response to this concern was always that I would welcome the chance to be on the front page of the Washington Post. What great exposure for women’s urologic and other benign urologic conditions. While I personally would not have minded “going down with the ship” I did not want to take anyone with me so I “towed the line” as best as I could. I never made it to the Washington Post – front page or otherwise.
While the “cloak” of federal government felt like a straight jacket to me, there was a different “cloak” associated with the pharmaceutical industry making it 20 years of one restriction or another on my voice. I am unleashed and having fun.
Tamara Unleashed 